It is sad -- Tim just broke my heart tonight when he said "I'm going to miss her SO much!" But it's still a really loving experience, if that doesn't sound too weird.

I loved that I got to spend time with my mom's family during his last illness. He died surrounded by all his children and so many of his grandchildren. It was a loving and peaceful way to go. I hope for half as much when I shuffle off this mortal coil.

Tim just broke my heart tonight when he said "I'm going to miss her SO much!"

Yeah, this just made me cry. 'Cause that's what it comes down to, and it's so fucking hard. No matter how or why it goes down.

I know, right? We can say all the right things, and they are true -- she lived with and fought COPD for over 25 years, so the fact that she made it this long is incredible; she had a rich, fulfilling life and a loving husband and family; at least she won't be sick anymore; and even (for those who believe) she's with the Lord/in a better place.

All of that is true. But it doesn't change the fact that it sucks BALLS for everyone left behind. *We* don't get her anymore, and that is fucking WRONG.

(I am perhaps not the best at accepting things.)

That doesn't sound weird. It's wonderful that you can all be there for her, and each other. And it was kind of you to say the rosary.

{{Nora}}

Boffistas

Best typo!

I realize I'm biased, but he is amazing. They all are, really.

As are you. You are being amazing through this too, Tep.

Steph, it doesn't sound weird at all. I had a blast visiting my aunt and yet the occasion was her dying, It comes in all shapes. My night's gutbust was hearing what my uncle said to my mom when she said she knew it was hurting him immeasurably: "that's what love is." From a macho, taciturn dude. Yeah, that's what is it.

Hang in there.

{{{Teppy}}}

And you never have to reply to all the messages -- just know that we've all got you and T and his mom in our hearts.

The process is hard, the getting to the point of Being Over. Blessings on you all for the process having some grace.

I'm really craving beef.

You don't have a Steak-On-A-Stick franchise that delivers?

Steak-On-A-Stick was bought out by You'll-Eat-Tofu-And-LIKE-It.

Bastards.

You are being amazing through this too, Tep.

Aww, fuck. I'm like Spoon River Anthology in my head. Seriously. There's a Greek chorus of madmen in here. I want Tim back. I want him in bed with me tonight. I hate having our lives and schedules all kerfucked. I don't WANT to be supportive because *I* want to fling myself on the ground and have a tantrum over the massive unfair-itude of Death, Inc.

I don't want to keep hugging the people who visit (I appreciate Tim's dad's taciturn brothers, who Do Not Hug). And I really want some goddamn beef.

I *do* know that what I *do* is more important than the madmen in my head, but I do not feel amazing. I feel insane and wired and WANT BEEF NOW.

I feel insane and wired and WANT BEEF NOW.

Seriously, there's no Chinese restaurant in Cincy that delivers beef and broccoli after midnight, huh?

Maybe the liquor store has some beef jerky in a jar?

Things sound like they are going as well as they possibly can , Steph. Sending you continued strength.

Something no one told me( for Nora) ...but I am now pretty sure when some of our arguments are going to happen. Either matt is stressed and suddenly the kitchen isn't clean enough - or for some reason I feel ignored - which happens a lot when I haven't had enough sleep , or my routine has been interrupted too many days in a row. haven't really been able to stop them ... but I know when they are coming. Takes some of the edge off.