You had me with this

Jars, baseball is very simple

and then lost me with the rest. I sort-of learn it whenever I'm in Boston, then forget it all again while I'm away.

The pants are pretty hilarious though.

A good friend of mine used to say, "This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains." Think about that for a while.

Chatting is completely allowable in baseball

There is, however, no crying in baseball.

It's also traditional during a baseball game to eat hot dogs. The song mentions peanuts and crackerjack (which, in case it doesn't exist where you are, is popcorn and peanuts coated in caramel-type-stuff), but hot dogs are much more popular.

And if the ball gets hit into the stands and you catch it, you get to keep it. (There was a video circulating the internets a few years ago where a guy at a baseball game caught a ball and got really excited about it, then his toddler daughter put up her hands, he handed her the ball, and she threw it back. There was some Jewish website that had an article showing this as an example of good parenthood, because, instead of getting mad (like several people in the crowd did), he just laughed and then, when the little girl seemed to be getting overwhelmed with everyone looking at her, he picked her up and hugged her.)

I have two boxes packed! Small boxes, but still boxes. There are fewer things on my shelves than there were before!

And if the ball gets hit into the stands and you catch it, you get to keep it.

With one exception - if you're at Wrigley Field and the opposing team hits a home run, you're supposed to throw the ball back.

Also, if the batter hits a foul ball on what would be the third strike, he gets to try again, and if the pitcher misses the strike zone, it's a ball, and four balls lets the hitter go to first base without any effort on his part.

If anything happens outside these parameters, such as "pitcher's balk" or "infield fly rule," remember that most of the people watching don't understand those either.

If you wish to sound like you know something about baseball, or just wish the people around you to start discussing it vigorously, say, "The designated hitter is an invention of the devil" or "What is he calling, a four-inch-high strike zone?"

There will be a brief intermission called the seventh inning stretch. You may be called upon to sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Club."

Jars will be in Boston, I believe, in which case it will be "Sweet Caroline."

This reminds me of going to the baseball game with Fay at the SF2F, and trying to explain it to her. Didn't Hec use LotR as a metaphor?

"I will take the ball to home plate, but I do not know the way?"