Yeah, I've read that as an argument for the assertion that a woman can't be a feminist unless she's a lesbian.

See, as soon as a person tells me what I *have to* be, then I'ma call foul and say that THAT person isn't exactly my idea of a feminist.

Kyriarchy: [link]

Apparantly, my Pandora is set to "Jilli" - I just got Siouxsie followed by Bowie.

I win!

What I win, I don't know. But I win!

And now it went to The Cure. Jilli totally wins!!

What I win, I don't know. But I win!

Fudge!

Or if you don't like fudge, then cupcakes.

Granted, some of it is horrible, but some of it is even made by women.

There are many women in the world who are actively anti-feminist - the two statements above are not mutually exclusive.

I'm completely fine with any partner looking at porn, and I pretty much assume that anyone who tells me he isn't is lying (and just embarrassed). I have two rules: no underage and no voyeur. Every single person in the porn has to be of age and consenting. I am REALLY creeped out by the hidden camera porn.

Kyriarchy – a neologism coined by Elisabeth Schussler Fiorenza and derived from the Greek words for “lord” or “master” (kyrios) and “to rule or dominate” (archein) which seeks to redefine the analytic category of patriarchy in terms of multiplicative intersecting structures of domination…Kyriarchy is best theorized as a complex pyramidal system of intersecting multiplicative social structures of superordination and subordination, of ruling and oppression.

Patriarchy – Literally means the rule of the father and is generally understood within feminist discourses in a dualistic sense as asserting the domination of all men over all women in equal terms. The theoretical adequacy of patriarchy has been challenged because, for instance, black men do not have control over white wo/men and some women (slave/mistresses) have power over subaltern women and men (slaves).

From here: [link]

Basically acknowledging that shit is complicated, yo.

The argument being, of course, than no woman can make such a choice because the patriarchy has already warped our ideas of sexuality.

(That's a conundrum, though, because wouldn't the SAME patriarchy have warped the worldview of those who decry BDSM? I mean, let's all start from the same spot, okay? If I'm a tool of the patriarchy, so are they.)

We're all soaking in a similar sauce, so to speak. Some don't know they're in the sauce b/c that's all they've known. Some are aware of the sauce and prefer a different flavor, some don't mind the original flavor (abandoning strained metaphor here). It influences everybody and I certainly don't agree that there's anything wrong with BDSM. You can't make sweeping assumptions about why people like BDSM anymore that you can about why they are gay/straight/any permutation (all gay men were mama's boys, all lesbians were abused/raped).

I pretty much assume that anyone who tells me he isn't is lying (and just embarrassed).

Huh. I didn't look at porn at all until I reached my late-20s. (Mostly because back then I'd only heard feminist 'porn is bad' arguments.)

Well, I'm 41, Tommy, and I am not dating 21-year-olds. Men have pretty much figured out that porn exists and that they like it by the time they start dating me.