Coming out is extremely difficult, even when you feel like you are likely to be accepted. It took me years to do it in the workplace and with certain friends. Unless you've been there, you just can't know what it's like.

I know/guess, GC, and I'm sorry if this was disrespectful or hurt you or any other queer Buffista.

I just needed to vent. I do care about him. But seeing him twice a week, with the puppy-eyes of his, looking at some other guy... a girl can only take so much.

a girl can only take so much.

I don't understand. If you are already sure he's gay, what distress is it causing you?

Y'know, Shir - when I came out to my dear friend John, some years after I'd realised I was gay, he went home and said to his g/f that he was sad I'd not trusted him with this before. (He told me this much later.) Apparently, her response was that he shouldn't be so silly, because he had no idea what circumstances were making it difficult for me to come out to my friends. She is a wise lady.

In my case, 20+ years of religious intolerance, both external and internal, stopped me telling *anyone* until I was in my mid-twenties. It can take people quite some time. That's not personal, though.

I don't understand. If you are already sure he's gay, what distress is it causing you?

Seeing him going through this and battling himself, on his own. He doesn't have a lot of self confidence to begin with, so I can't imagine what this is doing to him.

But. I was only venting and joking, and clearly it's the wrong place, crowd and possibly thing to say to begin with. Again, I apologize.

actually, Shir, I thought that was exactly it. You were seeing his pain and you know he doesn't have to be alone. But You were telling us because, of course, you can't say it to him . That would be rude.

Beth to the rescue.

How bad would it be to arrange a coffee gathering with closeted friend, and friend you want to connect him with? And then, if chemistry seems to be happening, take an emergency "call" that you have to leave them alone.

I just saw .

I'm hanging out at the local cafe for a bit. Matt has a 4 hour gig at the local art gallery. Laptop, soup, and coffee. I have had at least three conversations about facebook, including one woman who understood why her friend played farmville ( even though the woman was speaking with didn't play) .

Mmm, soup.

I've got bread rising, and I'm making spaghetti now. Not sure where this cooking mood came from, but I figure I'll use it and make a bunch of stuff I can eat for a while.

Mmm, soup, indeed. I have chili simmering on the stove. My entire apartment smells like yum.