Seska, can I ask, what about that word makes it beyond the pale for you?

I'm not asking in a judge-y way AT ALL; I'm just curious. And feel free to not answer if you don't want to address it.

It was totally Shakesville that converted me to douchebag as a term of contempt; their justification is that douches and all their assorted equipment are purportedly benign items that in fact are just a cynical attempt to make money off of women's insecurity about their natural bodily processes, completely useless at best and at worst actively malign.

It was totally Shakesville that converted me to douchebag as a term of contempt; their justification is that douches and all their assorted equipment are purportedly benign items that in fact are just a cynical attempt to make money off of women's insecurity about their natural bodily processes, completely useless at best and at worst actively malign.

JZ is me. The concept of a douche is insulting from the get-go (women's bodies are UNCLEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN!) so I feel pretty comfortable applying it as an all-purpose insult.

And -- though my understanding is that this word is hotly contested among disability-rights advocates -- "lame."

Yeah, 'Suela pointed that one out to me recently, and I had never even thought of it in that context, ever, and...like you, I still say it. I also haven't been able to remove "gypped," either, and I have a Romani friend! I think I thought it was "jipped" for the longest time and was surprised to discover it had negative connotations. But it's so ingrained in me as a benign word.

It was totally Shakesville that converted me to douchebag as a term of contempt

Which is interesting, because Shakesville is where I picked up a virtual laundry list of language that's privileged in different ways. And I had the typical privileged reaction to it, which is, "Fuck that! If I want to denigrate a man by calling him a woman (without thinking about what that's *really* saying about women), then I goddamn WILL!"

...it's hard to ferret it all out of my vocab, I tell you what.

...it's hard to ferret it all out of my vocab, I tell you what.

Now you're just stereotyping ferrets as animals that... ferret.

I'm not a fan of douche either. I guess since it's exclusively marketed to women, it feels to me like another slam against us. I try to keep my insults gender-neutral, like asshole, shitheel, fuckhead, etc.

This post [link] discusses the debate over that word that I'm not comfortable using. I've heard many, many times from feminists - feminist blogs and discussion boards especially - that since it's a tool of oppression, the word can be used to mock oppressors and their attitudes. I still find the word sexist and offensive. It's hard to explain exactly why - but I think that the popularity of words involving female genitalia is based in the idea, subconscious or otherwise, that these are there to be degraded. (I'm aware that the existence of 'cock' and similar terms, and the popularity of such, may undermine my argument here. I suppose I avoid using those terms for not-dissimilar reasons, though I don't think it's such an oppressive term, in a patriarchal society - where 'cock' is often considered a positive thing.)

ETA: Cross-post with Glamcookie, who says much more in many fewer words.

I think that the popularity of words involving female genitalia is based in the idea, subconscious or otherwise, that these are there to be degraded.

I get that -- and it's why I want to smack myself every time I use "pussy" as an insult.

I confess to having used the word "gypped" freely in my youth, as it was commonly heard. Not having seen it written out, I imagined it spelled as "jipped". When I did see it in print, realized it was less savory than I thought, I released it from my vocabulary.

Well, sure. Me too. The second part is the important part.

Do you actually throw a wrench in the works?

Yup. See the book The Monkeywrench Gang.

There are SO many things I still say that I don't think about that I really need to get out of my vocabulary. "Don't be a pussy." "Oh my god, you are such a woman!" (Way to contribute to my own oppression, dipshit Teppy.) And -- though my understanding is that this word is hotly contested among disability-rights advocates -- "lame."

This also goes for me, though the words differ. It's always a work in progress. I've eliminated "retarded" but KBD still says it (baby steps. i just got him to stop saying "gay" as a pejorative). I still use "lame," though I try not to. I'm still dithering on "crazy," since I don't use it to describe people with actual mental illess but that's where it came from. Also, it's *deeply* ingrained.

I regard language as a living thing that evolves for many reasons, and appropriateness is just one of them. I try to see it as a challenge to find other "cool" words rather than harp on their loss.