I have a theory that a depressive turn of mind that mentally plays disaster scenarios and permutations thereof over and over again serves as sort of a rehearsal for preparedness. What do you think?

I think there really is something to this. As I was making my way out, I thought of all the plans I'd made...get the passport, grab the wallet, etc. But none of that mattered. I was so cool and, 'let's hit the street, Bboy.' I'm sure this is because I have gone over the 'plan' in my mind so many times.

I've even got a plan for tying Bartleby up in a sheet to lower him out the second story window. I suppose I should find one of those emergency ladders because, as someone pointed out today, the liquor store? Going up like a bomb factory, so the stairs won't really be an option.

No, this one! "Back view!"

Ha! We were joking that I should ask them if they want to run a giant picture of my tattoo!

They e-mailed me a proof of what the altered billboard would look like, and I almost peed my pants laughing at my new "quote," because WOW, I would SO not say something like that: [link].

So that's their translation of "I'm less likely to kill someone"?

Chatty!co-worker and I came up with many alternate "quotes":

"I take WAY fewer Percocets now!"
"When I kick ass now, it doesn't hurt ME!"
"Yes. This is a picture of my spine."

"When I kick ass now, it doesn't hurt ME!"

I like this one!

I'm so very tired, but G was worth it. Tomorrow I get to go out with his mommy for yummy food and alcohol.

Hee. Agree with sj.

Bonny, after I got mugged in my own house, it made me feel much more secure about knowing what I would do in an emergency, strangely. I mean, after I MOVED. But I have all these different scenarios planned in my head and responses, and most of all, I know absolutely, from experience, that I will not freeze up and be passive.

Silver lining.

I know absolutely, from experience, that I will not freeze up and be passive.

Yes. It's a great comfort to know this about myself as well.

See, now y'all are kinda freakin me out about my new house--the old place, I was totally down with the fire plan and had gotten into the "murderers breaking in to kill me" plan (obsessive checking to see that I'd locked the door, and knowing no one was rappelling down to get into my balcony, and couldn't get up a ladder from the busy street to get onto it). New place, I'm already doing the "too big to obsessively check doors and now I have MULTIPLE DOORS OMG AND MULTIPLE WINDOWS MURDERERS COULD GET IN" AND now I have to re-figure out how to escape in a fire PLUS I have no idea where my "things I want to grab in a fire" are? Eep. (Not to mention, that whole "Now I live in a place with earthquakes" thing that I still haven't quite grokked)

...gah. I may be a little overly anxious at times. And stressy, right now. I pointed out to my boss that although we are required to do 7 visits every month, in June I am currently supposed to do ELEVEN. And they stopped giving us bonuses. And currently I have no idea how I'm supposed to finish what I'm supposed to get done at one place--I think it may not happen (they'll flip, but I told them A MONTH AGO I needed help, and now they're all "Um, maybe we can't help?" when they said they would). AND, they're asking for ridiculous shit like "To make it look better, can you do that one thing on two days instead of one?" and I'm like "FUCK NO, there are actual things I would LIKE to take two days to do but don't have time, something that will only take me two HOURS is not going to be given two DAYS just because it will look better".

...breathe. breathe. breathe....

I'm supposed to have an interview for a new job in a couple weeks. I'm not actually sure it would be a BETTER job, though.

I'm exhausted, but too keyed up to sleep. Way too many things on my mind, and I can't get my brain to slow down. (Or my heart, either -- I just checked, and after lying down for about five minutes, my heart rate was 102.)

...breathe. breathe. breathe....

This.

I really wish I could sleep in tomorrow morning, but the latest that I can possibly sleep is 9, and that's cutting it kind of close. Then I'm busy on Friday, then I'll finally be able to sleep on Saturday, when I'm pretty sure I'll sleep all day.

meara, when I lived by myself (in that apartment on the Plaza, on the first floor) I kept windchimes on all my windows, and the really hinky windows I was nervous about, I kept vases and bottles.

My bedroom, I was much more sanguine about, because although it would be easy to break into, a person would cause a LOT of noise, and have to wriggle ONTO my bed in order to get in. In which case, I would be able to easily fillet him/her like a trout.

Hee. I totes would be the first line of defense in our house; I am MUCH meaner than Dan. I would lob cats at them. They have claws.

Hil...chamomile tea? Warm bath?

Yes, everybody breathe. You will get through!