Thanks. I'm trying to take baby steps away from it, slowly.

Getting out of my clothes with his fur and blood was the first step last night. It took me 20 minutes to convince myself to do so.

Now I finished scrubbing most of his blood out of my carpet (we're talking about this carpet [link] , so you see where the problem is. Too much red as is). Later I'm gonna throw to the laundry the pajama with his smell.

Tomorrow/the day after tomorrow I'm gonna clean my room and replace the sheets on my bed, with his smell (he slept in my bed every now and then).

No matter how hard I try, I'm not gonna get rid of his fur in the next few months. Impossible. It's everywhere.

So, baby steps.

I'm also really glad we stayed with him till the very end. I petted him even when he was unconscious, and I think that if I didn't see him dead, I'd still think somewhere that he might be still alive. Because he fought to the last second, my guy, so there's a part of me thinking that he's not dead. And I'm glad that even with the having-to-climb-the-stairs-while-nearly-dying, he chose to start to end his life in my room. He always felt most comfortable here.

{{{{{{{{{{ Shir }}}}}}}}}}}

(not enough brackets in the world. tons of hugs for you)

I think what I'm missing is the plans I had in my head to hang out with him as he became an old man.

Me too, Drew, with a slight shift of pronouns. It's not ever easy, and it does sort of come in waves that you're helpless to evade. But the good memories come that way too, so I guess it works out. Ease of heart to you. To you too, lovely Vortex.

Bonny, best of luck! You're very courageous and tough, and much to be admired.

Oh Shir, bless your heart and your baby steps. Peace and courage to you and your very good heart.

On the me front...yeah, well.

I pounded iron like it was going out of style this week. Everything I put in my mouth was purposeful, it was either iron rich or iron friendly.

I can taste it in my mouth, and I smell like breakfast cereal.

Last week, my iron level was 10.5. Today? 10.6. The required number is 12.5.

I can't believe it. Seriously, IRON has been my middle name.

So. I'm going to continue eating for iron (but not like I have been because, frankly, I've been feeling pretty ookie with the overdosing) for the next 6 weeks and try again.

In the meanwhile, my support buddy and I are going to organize a neighborhood drive. It will be a challenge because I will be around the equipment that freaks me out and I will be responsible for helping others.

It's not the same, but I will make lemonade out of this no matter WHAT!

Thank you all so much for your good thoughts. I just need now to give in a way that is acceptable!

bonny, doesn't your B-something vitamin level have to be high in order for your blood serum iron level to be high, too? Somebody, Steph, am I making that up in my head? Maybe that's the problem.

You've got me worrying about my iron levels, now. Shoot. I eat a lot of eggs, but still, my iron is probably low.

Somebody, Steph, am I making that up in my head?

Hmm. That one I don't know.

Bonny, your lemonade plan is great! Good for you. Maybe being around all the gear will desensitize you to it, and make it easier when your iron level is cooperative.

Zen, don't doubt yourself. You'll be fine. If it's low, they will tell you at the time. But don't play the 2nd guessing game. Not now. Not when your are girding your loins to give the gift of life! You can do it!

Vitamin C helps with iron absorption, too, bonny. Make sure you get the C with the iron.

bonny, doesn't your B-something vitamin level have to be high in order for your blood serum iron level to be high, too? Somebody, Steph, am I making that up in my head? Maybe that's the problem.

You are correct. The tonic that I've been taking gave me 300 to 500% of my B vitamin requirements. It's what made me smell like breakfast cereal. (Thanks again for that recommendation, Stephanie)

I'm wondering now if there is a home iron test so I can figure out when to make another appointment to try.

shuffling off to google

Vitamin C helps with iron absorption, too, bonny. Make sure you get the C with the iron.

Yep. I have been taking the iron tonic in pomegranate juice with 2000 extra mg of C, twice a day.

At the risk of grossness, my pee is TECHNICOLOR !