My apartment is way too hot. I have a fan on, but it's not helping a whole lot, and the sound is annoying me. Air conditioning hasn't been switched on yet. There's a dumpster outside my window, and if I open the window, my apartment will smell like trash.

The thing that I need to rewrite for my dissertation is something that requires some answers from my advisor first, because there's a piece that I don't understand, and I know that he'll make me feel stupid about not understanding.

I keep forgetting to go to the bank to deposit my student loan check.

At Passover, various relatives will tell me that I'm fat, that I should be married by now, that I should have kids by now, that I should be more religious, that I should be less religious, that I should eat fish, and that being vegan means that I'm stupid. There might also be comments about my hair. Oh, and at Passover, we're supposed to sit on cushions because we're free now and not slaves. At my uncle's house, that means men sit on cushions. Women sit on uncushioned chairs and serve the meal.

My aunt thinks I'm wonderful. My dad doesn't criticize me unless he thinks I'm spending too much money, or not making enough money. My cousin will not say anything to me other than "hi." Everybody else will probably have some comment about how I'm not up to standard.

I'm sorry for your loss, Beth and Matt.

I'm sorry D didn't work out, smonster.

At my uncle's house, that means men sit on cushions. Women sit on uncushioned chairs and serve the meal.

Wow, really? That's appalling.

Family, man.

Hil, do you take anything for your panic attacks? I don't believe in throwing drugs at mood-related issues as a first line of defense, but you've had a lot of stress going on for quite a while, and maybe it would help if you took an anti-anxiety drug, or maybe an antidepressant (which also have anti-anxiety effects).

I do have meds. The dosage might need to be adjusted, or they might just not be strong enough to deal with last year of grad school. (I don't think I've seen anybody go through the last year of grad school without breaking down crying in the office at least once. At least one person started crying during her defense.)

Wow, Hil, that sucks. I love Passover and would hate to deal with that shit then or any other time.

So. Who are you going to break up with in the summer?

At this rate, my next breakup will need to be in May. Better get dating!

The seder will have good food. And lots of wine.

I do have meds.

I couldn't remember, so I thought I'd ask. I wasn't implying you're ready for the loony bin, or anything, just to be clear.

The dosage might need to be adjusted, or they might just not be strong enough to deal with last year of grad school.

Maybe the drug companies should try that as a new marketing tactic: "Prozac: now in a new FDA-approved last-year-of-grad-school dose!"

(I don't think I've seen anybody go through the last year of grad school without breaking down crying in the office at least once. At least one person started crying during her defense.)

Awwww. Well, that's the reason I asked -- this last year has seemed extra stressful on you, and your ankle has been giving you extra trouble lately, and I just wondered if maybe drugs could help get you through.

My holidays have often been not unlike Hil's, except that I'm blessed by having fewer relatives and there's no male-female cushion differential.

I'm so sorry about Andy Cat, Beth and Matt, but at least he was still going after squirrels. It's so hard. I hope you get some better news, Shir, but I can understand your sister not saying he was better, because she probably was afraid it wouldn't last.

I'm trying to decide whether to try to see an ENT person for the earache, then ear numbness, then sinus pain, then more earache syndrome that's been going on for the past couple of weeks. The problem is that I'm not congested and I don't have a fever. My past medical experience with variations of this same thing have not been very useful. I sometimes think I've had the same damn sinus infection for the past year. I also think that all I do is whine.

I don't really have anybody left to talk to if I do start crying at the office. Pretty much all my friends have graduated already, and at least two of my three officemates would react with "Ugh, girls are so emotional." And the other one has already asked me what I think I'm doing wrong in the job search, so I'm not really trusting him for anything, either.