I used to get sugar cravings when I was younger, I read in a book -- the Bipolar Child I think -- that sugar cravings and carb cravings are apart of the haywireness of the bipolar brain. Including getting fixated and obessive about eating them or having access to them.

It just sort of clicked what a thing it was tonight -- every day after lunch for the past week I've had a big cookie or brownie and this weekend I've had sweets. Tonight I went and got a diet coke, I was pretty mindless about it, and I got candy and I kept thinking how I wanted chocolate cake. I ate two candy bars in a row and was still trying to figure out what to eat.

But I put the reigns on it. I ate something protein related.

Plus it's amazing how quickly I slipped up. I started off just having weak ice tea and then it was the diet cokes.

Another issue that's going on is that I'm not able to follow my natural sleep patterns. I stayed up too late this weekend and now I want to do that again. If I had a choice, and when I wasn't able to work, I pretty much stayed up until 2 or 2:30 and then slept for 9 hours or so. I constantly have to fight against that.

{{{{{askye}}}}}} I'm sorry you are having such a rough time yourself.

Have you explained to doctors before what you just said? Would you feel comfortable going to a new doctor, explaining your past history and asking point blank if they'd be willing to believe you and run tests or do something to figure out what is going on?

The last time I worked up enough nerve to try something remotely like that, I was seeing a nurse practitioner, and all she had was an offer for gastric bypass surgery or "something for my mood". I've given up. I'm too fat to get help.

You are not too fat to get help. You've had to deal with insenstitive doctors and nurse practioners and it shouldn't be like that.

Strigoi. It's a little slow and confusing, but very funny in parts and holy shit, what a flashback for me. If you watch it, keep in mind that I LIVED THERE. For two years. Okay, it's Romania, but it was exactly the same.

Off to Netflix I go! Poor Pete, he'll be perplexed by the addition.

Drew, I'm sorry that you have to get your gall bladder removed, what a pain in the...gall bladder. Does this mean you can schedule the outpatient surgery at whatever time is good for you? What causes gall bladders to go wrong?

Jess, so nice to see you. Like others, definitely been thinking about you, E and D. Hope the cabbage helps.

Smonster, I take it you got evidence that he really did take kitty to the vet? And I am glad you sound so happy.

I really wish that I had spoken up about my constant foot problems while I was still a size 6. But I had no other health problems then (and also had no medical insurance come to think of it!) so never made a proper appointment. And of course the foot problems are still with me, but I loathe to bring it up to a doctor because s/he will just tell me to lose weight...

I am so glad to be home, and that I scheduled the east coast trip the way I did (with coming home early yesterday morning). Definite highlights were seeing Jesse, Sparky and Maria. And my last night, Friday, I went into Alexandria, ostensibly to take photos. And I did take some photos, but mostly I just meandered through the pretty town and then saw "Shutter Island" at the old theatre there. I have a thing for seeing movies anywhere I go, especially when I am solo-traveling. The Alexandria is run by an eccentric older guy who gives a monologue before the movie. I almost left because you buy a ticket and your drink (must buy a drink with ticket there)in the same line, and it was extremely unorganized. But the owner runs it this way on purpose and he apparently doesn't start the movie until everyone is through the line with his or her drink. So of course the movie started 20 minutes later than advertised. But I am glad I stayed, as the movie was enjoyable (when I get scared, I put my skicap on over my eyes. It occurs to me now that I probably looked very creepy.) and I LOVE supporting indie movie houses. The only thing not so good was that I could hear the sound from Valentine's Day showing upstairs. I was grateful that at least Julia Roberts apparently didn't employ her usual laugh.

Here is a blessing of birds which will make everything better: [link] Maybe only a tiny bit better, maybe only for a moment, but definitely better.

And he is just as into me as I am into him. ::pinches self::

Yay, smonster! "Smitten", whoa.

Someone just implied that the fact that I take painkillers to deal with pain is a failure of willpower, and that I should just meditate.

Ahahaha! Yeah, right. That person has never had anything more painful than gas.

Drew, my friend A. has some cute scars from laparoscopic gall bladder surgery. Just saying, you know, not a total loss.

Carb cravings R me. Eat or drinking anything really sugary tends to trigger near-uncontrollable carb cravings. I won't even be hungry, just mindlessly prowling around looking for sweets. White bread or a bowl of pasta often does the same thing, depending on what I eat it with. I discovered that a big cup of green tea or coffee will stop it, but I don't know why. The non-crazy version of the Atkins diet was the best eating plan I ever went on; I should do it again. It's hard to do Atkins right when you don't cook, though.

eta: Thanks for the blessing of birds, Andi!

It's hard to do Atkins right when you don't cook, though.

Package of frozen veggies, a thigh from one of those big sacks of individually frozen chicken parts, shove 'em in the microwave, add a pat of butter and some lime juice or Mrs. Dash, or drizzle some dressing over it.... not too bad, and not much effort.

That right there is more cooking than I've ever done in my life.

ION, uh, I can haz boyfriend.

Yay! He sounds fab.

No-more-cough~ma for Em.

askye, wishing you calm. Panic attacks are never good. I hope it settles down very soon.

Including getting fixated and obessive about eating them or having access to them.

I can relate to that. I've been working on the sugar/carb thing - I'm definitely better off them.

WindSparrow, my Girl has a similar situation with her weight (she's only a bit overweight, but it makes her depressed). Doctors don't believe that she eats a ridiculously low-calorie diet and still gains weight. She's trying very hard at the moment, mostly to prove to the doctors that she doesn't live on chocolate while lying to them. Somewhere there is a good doctor who will believe you have a real problem and help you to sort it out. Keep asking and pushing for an answer.

That right there is more cooking than I've ever done in my life.

And me. (I don't even try anymore. I have a tendency to drop things, burn myself, set the kitchen alight...)