There's always that 20 minutes of blank time in which I think, "Do I start drinking now?"

It looks like English. And yet, it makes no sense.

I always thank god people are late, because I am never ready.

I always try to lie to myself that the party doesn't start until half an hour later than I invited people.

And then I drink and pace anyway.

And I also show up within 10 minutes of the start time when people throw parties. And I'm only not EARLY to other people's parties because I know it's rude.

I have a promptness problem.

I always thank god people are late, because I am never ready.

amen, sister.

And I'm only not EARLY to other people's parties because I know it's rude.

yes. This acquaintance showed up to a party HALF AN HOUR early. She called, I thought she needed directions, but she was here and wanted to know the apartment number. I said "oh, I'm really sorry, but I'm not ready for guests yet". She said "oh, that's okay, I don't mind" I said "it's really hard to do those last minute things with someone there" She said "I'll just stay out of your way" I finally had to say "Listen, right now I'm talking to you while naked because I'm not finished getting ready. there is a coffee shop a few blocks away. go there and come back in 20 minutes" She did, and tried to complain to people about it. they all looked at her like she was crazy. I was vindicated.

Heh. So you invited to your party a resident of Canttakeahintonia, huh?

That's a tough one, the party timing thing. I have a couple of friends who come RIGHT ON TIME for everything (at my house), while everyone else comes much, much later. So I think, okay, move the party time to a later hour, but the problem then is that the on-time friends still show up 5 minutes early and EVERYONE else will still show up an hour or more later. It's like WHAT DO I HAVE to do for people to all arrive at more or less the same time? It's hard to prep drinks and apps when such a timing issue is at play.

WHAT DO I HAVE to do

Lie to half of them about the starting time?

Believe me, I've been tempted! But kind of hard to do in an Evite. :)

I'm glad I'm not a bitch....

Dog gives birth to Britain's largest-ever litter of Rottweilers with 18 puppies

When four-year-old Rottweiler Terrie went into labour, her owner already knew it was going to be a long night.

But when the six-stone dog started to give birth she didn't stop until she had produced 18 mewling, squealing Rottweiler pups - the biggest ever litter in Britain.

The incredible feat smashed the previous record of 13 and doubled the traditional litter size of eight or nine dogs.

Sadly, one was stillborn and another died two days after the birth, but the remaining 16 have already doubled in size and now weigh between 1 and 1.5lb.

Yeah, so I'm getting even more regrets. Oh well, I'll have to do it again later. FIrst 5 came and went.

OH! My realtor? Is pregnant. With twins. Identical. Due in January. She's a teeny little thing and very apparently preggers.