On one level grudges take a lot of initial energy, but then very little maintenance or follow up.

So true.

Plus being the one to take the step towards reconciling is HARD.

It gives the truly bitter a reason to live. They need the bile and the drama as sustenance.

I dunno. I mean, yeah, I agree about the bitter--it's hard to feed a grudge without turning a bit bitter. But I know a lot of grudge holders that aren't into the drama at all. It's more like they have such a fragile sense of self that they need to hold onto the grudges to ensure that their identity remains fixed and stable.

Once you've held a grudge for a while, I imagine it is as comfortable and comforting as any habit. Some people probably slip into that faster and more easily than others.

My FiL did not speak to his sister for 30 years over an argument with his BiL. When I first met J, 15 years ago, the estrangement was still in full force and you could invite one or the other to any gathering, but not both.

All of a sudden a few years ago, they started speaking, then meeting and now they are all BFFs. They go on vacations together and talk all the time and make time to spend together. Both men claim that they "don't know" why they were estranged so long.

Off to new Ear Nose and Throat woman. Maybe she can figure out what has been causing frequent sinus headaches and nosebleeds.

Oh and on topic a bit: Our family does a thing where if two people are really on the outs the declare each other dead. I think this is a Jewish thing... (though probably not exclusively Jewish).

Also: trip to Tumwater to pick up package at UPS. Saw "Lord's Gym" sign above an "Inferno Pizza" sign.

Halloween
Halloween
Candy corn for lunch and dinner

Halloween
What a scream
Do all your shopping
At Wal-Mart!

I've not been close with a certain aunt since she and my mom had a dust-up during my grandmother's hospitalization that could easily have landed her in the adjoining bed if my uncle hadn't been there. Mom's since reconciled with her, but I just haven't had any use for her in two decades, and don't regret the lack of contact at all.

My paternal grandfather pretty much ignored me when I was a kid. He wasn't overtly hateful or anything, but I was his last chance at a grandson and lacked that all-important Y chromosome. My big sister was great about it, though. He'd give her a $20 (ignoring me) and, completely unprompted, she'd split it with me. (And I was not a particularly charming little sister.)

Then I turned 12 and was the spitting image of my paternal grandmother. She'd died by then and grandpa had married her utter nemesis. And all of a sudden, there was a younger version of her visiting on holidays, reading books and occasionally shooting him hurt looks over the top of the pages. Freaked. Him. Out. Good times.

He started giving me $20s, too.

This just in: mole rats cure cancer! (In mole rats.) [link]

If mole rats could talk, what would they sound like? I'm gonna guess like Huckleberry Hound. No wait, that's not it. Who was the cartoon dog with the droopy face?

eta: Droopy. That's it. That's what mole rats would sound like.