"Dere" and "da" are much more old-school.

Here's a good explanation of a Chicago accent. Towards the end, under "Hear Chicagoans Online," he has two examples of Chicago speakers. I sound more like a female version of the first speaker; the second one is more like the stereotypical one you hear on tv and movies.

White culture is this stuff, right?

Velveeta and John Tesh, man.

And yard gnomes.

And yard gnomes.

A little too intellectual, and in some suspiciously furn-sounding movies. Now plywood cutouts of a woman bending over, that's white culture.

Weird-ass shoe: The Mojito Shoe

I had to stare at it a bit to figure out how you wear it....

Julian Hakes designed shoes that have no sole. The support is there, though, for the heel and ball of the foot, which forms a natural bridge between the two.

And yard gnomes.

And a Camaro sitting on blocks in front of your trailer house....

Weird-ass shoe: The Mojito Shoe

Julian Hakes: not a fan of arch support.

monsterscereal.blogspot.com, a blog devoted to Count Chocula et al.

From my above link - a painting of Buffy staking Count Chocula: [link]

At the gym today, Price is Right was on, and I need to ask -- do they always wear fake nose/moustache glasses (including the entire audience)?

Because, weird.

sprinkles and "hang a u-ey"

ChiKat loves to mock my regional word usage, specifically my tendency to overuse the word "there,"

This is very true. I have mocked her mercilessly over that one because it tickles me so much. And she does say "there" and not "dere."