you all are doing NOTHING to make me re-think this whole, making an effort to find a mate thing. I would seriously go on strike for anything a mate wanted if there wasn't help with housework.
I didn't marry Dh for his housekeeping skills. Nor did he marry me for mine. We both would have been disappointed. But it is an easy area for conflict. Any two people will have different standards of cleanliness - no matter how close they really are. In our house, mine are slightly higher, except in the kitchen where his standards are much higher. And we have different attitudes. I think I deserve a clean space, with less visual chaos - he barely notices the chaos - so he doesn't get it. There were discussions. And when circumstances change, discussions resume. In general, we have peace unless there is a stress. As far as I am concerned, DH doesn't have to do anything. However he can't complain either--because he is perfectly capable of cleaning. And if circumstances are unusual -- meaning guests or something needs to get done or I have a lot of extra work - he pitches in. When I worked full time - or more , he did more.
What I get form Dh is worth way more than housekeeping. He gets me more than the people I grew up with. And despite the fact that he doesn't seem to know the dishwasher is right next to the sink, I think he is absolutly wonderful. There is no one else I would rather spend time with.