Aliens

And now for something completely different: Hussar Ballad: Soviet Crossdressing Wartime Musical

When she was an infant, her father placed her under the care of a soldier after her abusive mother threw her out of a moving carriage. Growing up, she memorized all the standard marching commands, and her favorite toy was an unloaded gun. A noblewoman by birth, Nadezhda Durova wanted nothing more than to don a uniform and defend Russia against Napoleon. At age 24, she did just that. “With firmness so alien to my young age,” she wrote in her memoirs, “I was wrecking my brain about how to break free from the vicious circle of natural and customary duties assigned to us, women.” In 1807, disguised as a boy, she left home on the back of her favorite mount, Alchides, and enlisted in a Polish uhlan regiment. “At last I am free and independent. I had taken my freedom, this precious, heavenly gift, inherently belonging to every human being!”

Durova’s service in the military earned her distinguished honors, and throughout her career she was, by all accounts, revered by everyone in her chain of command. A few officers knew her secret, but most did not. Tsar Alexander I, aware of her true identity, awarded her a cross for saving a soldier’s life and gave her permission to join the regiment of her choice. He gave her a new male surname, Alexandrov (after his own name). Durova continued crossdressing after retirment from the military. She died at age 83 and was buried dressed as a man, with full military honors.

In 1962, the Soviet Studio MosFilm released a musical called Gusarskaya Balada (”Hussar Ballad”) based on Durova’s life. In what’s certainly a complete misrepresentation of Durova’s complicated existence, the musical paints Durova as a young patriotic woman in love with a male soldier, eager to win him over on her terms, as a fellow fighter. The film is without subtitles, but has enough colorful characters, costumes and music that I think a non-Russian-speaking audience would appreciate the clip above, which showcases Durova’s character first dressed as a woman, then dressed as a man. I love actress Larisa Golubkin’s confident, homoerotic swagger in the second half of the clip.

Paul Bettany to star in Vampire film (as a vampire hunter.)

Because of John Cho, I can't believe nobody made this joke yet....

Chekov and Sulu go to White Castle

Or for the sequel:

Checkov and Sulu escape from Rura Penthe

Downey Gives Sherlock Holmes Action Update With Handcuffed Bed Scene

LAS VEGAS — Leave it to Robert Downey Jr. to turn Sherlock Holmes into a wisecracking action hero who ends up handcuffed naked to a bed.

Downey has offered a sneak peek of "Sherlock Holmes," his new take on the cerebral detective from the mystery tales of Arthur Conan Doyle.

Theater owners attending their annual ShoWest convention have got to see Downey's Holmes in a bruising boxing match, diving from a tall building into London's Thames River and trading barbs with Dr. Watson, played by Jude Law. Holmes also finds himself cuffed by both hands to a bed in one scene.

The Warner Bros. film is directed by Guy Ritchie and hits theaters on Christmas Day.

Dr. Watson, played by Jude Law.

RDJ *and* Jude Law? It's like Christmas in....

hits theaters on Christmas Day.

Oh, right.

(Yum.)

Leave it to Robert Downey Jr. to turn Sherlock Holmes into a wisecracking action hero who ends up handcuffed naked to a bed.

I'm sorry, did someone say something? I seem to have retired to my happy place.

Who cuffs him? I need to finish up the mental imagery.

Who cuffs him? I need to finish up the mental imagery.

No, don't ask. This way, I can cling to my own personal version.