GUYS. WHAT THE HELL. THIS MOVIE.

I KNOW WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK DID I JUST WATCH.

I think the thing that shocked/upset me most was

I KNOW. I was so sad about that, especially because I'd just watched another one-shot with him in it, and he'd just popped up on S.H.I.E.L.D., and I liked him! Plus, you know, agent of color.

And yes, I believe everyone was mildly disappointed at that thing we're all mildly disappointed at. Heh. But the whole time Steve and Sam and Maria were doing their op, I was wondering where the fuck Natasha was, so that answered that question.

I mostly noticed it when it was making fight scenes blurry.

That's too bad because the fight scenes holy shit. Some amazing stuntmen and stuntwomen in this movie. ALSO I WANT CAP'S SHIELD AND ALSO THE ABILITY TO USE IT LIKE THAT.

Winter Soldier is the most terrifying and effective villain in the MCU because he gives no fucks at all. He is permanently in Attack Mode. Like in any other movie where you'd be asking, "Why doesn't he just do X?" Winter Soldier just fucking does X. He'll rip off Falcon's wing. He'll fucking shoot Cap three or four times who gives a fuck if the movie is called Captain America. He'll shoot Black Widow. HE JUST KEEP SHOOTING AND STABBING.

I never, EVER saw that coming.

And here we were thinking that the big secret they were deflecting attention from was that Alexander Pierce was the Red Skull! What the fucking fuck was that soundtrack shit? Marvel was just fucking with the fans, the way they trolled us with the Mandarin? Goddamn those brilliant fuckers. S.H.I.E.L.D. is overrun with Hydra HOLY SHIT.

And I can't wait to see what happens to the TV show now.

MAYBE IT WILL FINALLY TURN INTO NEXTWAVE. ROGUE S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENTS AHOY.

I never, EVER saw that coming.

And here we were thinking that

I spent the whole movie waiting for Pierce to rip off his face. DAMN YOU MARVEL for trolling us.

Did anyone wonder where Hawkeye was during this movie? Avengers and the first Thor movie established that he works for SHIELD, so I was surprised there wasn't even some dialogue to explain why he wasn't there.

Also, I really want to see a screenshot of Steve Rogers' Netflix queue.

Also also, it seems like SHIELD is pretty damn crappy at the whole covert ops/intel-gathering thing, since they didn't even notice HYDRA in their own ranks for, what, 7 decades now? (And I get that the movie sort of addressed that, by pointing out that Howard and Maria Stark's car accident was no accident, so clearly Howard knew too much -- thank you Captain Exposition Computerized Dr. Zola -- but still, it doesn't seem like very many SHIELD agents figured out the HYDRA infiltration over the past 70 years. They deserve to be shut down.

Finally, I've read comments elsewhere that the movie CLEARLY established that Dr. Zola is the Clairvoyant on the TV show. I'm torn about that idea, mostly because I still want the Clairvoyant to be someone we already know on the show -- either Hand or Garrett.

so I was surprised there wasn't even some dialogue to explain

Apparently there was! Danny Pudi says he's off in Afghanistan. But of course no one hears it because DANNY PUDI!!!

And I'm with you on the TV show, Steph. I hadn't considered that but it does work, and yet.

Oh! I heard the Afghanistan part, but not the Hawkeye part. Possibly because everyone was all "Danny Pudi!!!"

Oh my God Steph ahahaha read this. We were all idiots.

D'oh! That's kind of awesome.

You know how people complain that trailers give away the movie, or the best parts of the movie? 100% untrue here (the exception is that I know I saw a trailer with Fury saying to Cap "I guess you're giving the orders now", and when that scene hadn't happened by the time Fury "died", that was a pretty clear indicator that it was a fakeout). And then, of course, Fury could have just been resurrected by Dr. Ron Glass/Kree goo. So that part didn't freak me out, although I loved Black Widow's reaction. That was a nice character moment.

But think about the trailers -- the Helicarrier crashing! OMFG, it must be the bad guys! But no! It's the good guys!

And the trailer with the voiceover of Pierce saying "You shaped this century...I need you to do it one more time" -- I totally thought that was something he said to Cap, but no! He said it to THE WINTER GODDAMN SOLDIER!

Well played, Marvel.

Marvel is just running circles around everyone at this point.

That's who Danny Pudi was talking about! Oh, good.

Also, I was relieved that Emily Thorne sided with Cap.