In what may be her finest hour, Dana Stevens at Slate dropped the term "dangling azure wang."

In what may be her finest hour, Dana Stevens at Slate dropped the term "dangling azure wang."

I don't know. That's a little fruity. How about "pendulous sapphire johnson."

That's close to the wording from our man at the Screengrab, Scott Von Doviak, who came up with "pendulous blue schlong."

That's close to the wording from our man at the Screengrab, Scott Von Doviak, who came up with "pendulous blue schlong."

I'm now leaning towards "Saphire Schlongs of Pure Love."

The control group—the two who hadn't read the book—really liked the movie.

Those of us who have read the book are confused about our opinions because the movie adhered so goddamn closely to the book. Aileann, I feel similarly about the music choices. Some of them worked, but most of them felt out-of-place and wrong and weird. I think I liked the movie for the most part, but...I don't know, I have to think about it.

I think I liked the movie for the most part, but...I don't know, I have to think about it.

I thought it was a very faithful adaptation. Does that mean I thought it was a good movie? I still am not sure, either. And yeah, the music choices did seem out of place, for the most part. But I have to admit, hearing MCR at the end of the movie made my little fangirl heart glow.

I was disappointed. I have no great desire to rush out and see it again in the theater like I did for Dark Knight or Coraline. But I'll probably buy the DVD and hunt Easter eggs....

Re: The ending: Supposedly it would have been too long if they'd kept the killer space squid, as they would have to set it up (with the boatload o' artists, etc.) throughout the movie. The director had a big list of scenes that "had to be in there" that he wouldn't cut, so no space squid.

I'm left feeling that it should have been longer still, as there was just too much stuff the director was trying to do in the running time of the movie. Maybe the director's cut will be better? But I have heard one thing about the director's cut: even more blue schlong action!

Between that and some of the stuff that went down in 300, I'm wondering if Zack Snyder is going to be making an announcement on the cover of People in the next few years.

So. Watchmen. I, uh...

Hm.

Well, I...

Hm.

See, it's weird for me, I think. Not necessarily weirder than anyone here, but...well, I've been waiting for this movie for twenty four years. We used to sit around and drink coffee and cast it in our minds. (You know, back in the nineties, when casting Mel Gibson as the Comedian seemed like a reasonable choice). I've read, re-read, re-re-read and re-re-re-read the graphic novel fourteen gajillion times.

So, the movie was...odd to me. The first act seemed to kind of rush by and I wasn't sure if that's because I was expecting the pacing of the story that I am so intimately familiar with or because they had to cut almost all of the early Minutemen stuff, or what.

And then when we start to get into the meat of the story it felt choppy, possibly for the same reasons. Except, no...not entirely. Snyder seemed to focus on some things that I don't think he needed to, ( Owlship porn anyone? Seriously, when I'm sitting in the theater between my gorgeous wife and an ex-girlfriend and I'm getting fucking impatient with the scene ["Okay, they're fucking, we get it"] rather than feeling uncomfortable either socially or in my pants, then, Snyder...you're doing it wrong. ) I was torn about the blue boink-stick because, in the graphic novel Gibbons wasn't exactly shy about it, but in a movie it does become the, er, centerpiece of the scene, so to speak. Also, after the movie, I took a poll of my friends with the question "Who here thinks that when Dr. Manhattan was re-building himself he made a few 'modifications' down there? You know, a little 'Well, while I'm here anyway...'? Show of hands? Me too."

I didn't mind the change of the ending MacGuffin. It did make a bit more sense than "Giant Space Squid explodes in Manhattan! Let's sing 'Kumbaya'!" On the other hand, as a friend pointed out, the benefit to the space squid was that, conceivably, humanity had a chance to defeat it by joining forces. As opposed to the new ending wherein the message seems to be "God's pissed at us, let's go and fight him together! What? We can do it, right guys? It's only...y'know...God...oh, fuck it, let's just drink and fuck anything that moves and cry ourselves to death."

So I'm kind of walking away with two impressions here, and they seem to hinge on whether you've read the graphic novel or at least how much or little you can divorce the novel from the movie. For those who've read the graphic novel, it probably could have been longer...it didn't quite hit the beats that the novel did for those who've read it. There was never the "HOLY SHIT!" moments from the movie that I got from the graphic novel and I don't think that's because I'd already got them from the novel. The build up to the novel's moment of "I did it thirty-five minutes ago." had me going "GUHWHAAAAHHH JESUS!" the first time I read it and still leaves me a little kind of breathless with every re-read, whereas in the movie it was "Heh."

But a couple of the folk I saw the movie with haven't read the graphic novel and their response was universally "That could've been an hour shorter." They didn't really have any problem following A to B to C, but they just didn't give a shit by the time it got to C. That emotional build-up wasn't present for them, washed away by irritation and thoughts like "How long are we going to float around Mars, anyway?"

I also was a little put off by some of the violence. When Dan and Laurie are attacked in the alley, I was kind of shocked by the splintering arm bones and spattering blood and especially the knife in the throat. I realize these heroes aren't Batman and don't necessarily have a "code against killing", but at the same time one of the reasons they could look at Rorschach and say "He's the nutball" as opposed to themselves is that Rorschach drops mostly harmless sexual deviants down elevator shafts (continued...)

( continues...) while the rest of the heroes, uh...don't. Except maybe the Comedian, but he's also one of those "heroes only because he dresses funny" as opposed, in my mind, to Nite-Owl who wants to save people, not hurt them.

And it was annoying to me how every hero was a bad ass kung fu fighter. When Rorshach's captured, I liked the comic version better. He fucks up the SWAT team with pepper and aerosol spray and a grappling hook gun, and then is rapidly taken down the instant he hits the pavement. There wasn't any super-cool Bruce Lee shit...just, BAM, he's down and the cops kick the ever-lovin' shit out of him. And the prison break...Nite-Owl's a gadget guy, not Neo. I didn't need the knowing "This is going to be awesome" smile between he and Laurie before they commit bloody mayhem. That was stupid.

I could probably go on more, but this started kind of scattered and isn't getting more cohesive as I go. In closing, I guess I could say I enjoyed it, but I'm not sure how much. I was a tad disappointed, but not enough for me to hate the movie or anything.

Maybe that's my issue...I don't feel overly strongly about it either way and I kind of expected to. I walked into it as I do every comic movie...hoping for the best, trying not to expect anything...and I walked out going "Huh."