Last night the family watched Spiderman 3 together and in a scene Peter accidentally knocks down MJ. My son actually said, "Oh, she just got Chris Browned." DH and I both jumped on his case so quick and hard that I hope we made an impression. There is absolutely nothing amusing and joke worthy about that situation. I'm still pissed at him about the remark.

He says if someone wants to fight "like a man," then if they throw a punch, then they have to take one.

He also said that, if one person hits another as hard as he or she can, than the person who was hit is justified in hitting back as hard as he or she can, even if "as hard as he or she can" means a slight bruise for one person and broken bones for the other. That what should be equal in the "hit" and "hit back" isn't how much force is used but how much of the force that the person possibly can use is used.

If people are going to insist on using troll logic, then I demand they start wearing spiky hair, dyed green or red, and have a large rhinestone in their belly for people to rub for luck. You gonna use the logic, look like a freaking troll.

You're wrong.

Okay, now mean it.

C'mon, we've always said it's a good thing we found each other because nobody else was as uniquely suited to put up with each others' crap as we are.

He reads comics and collects toys; she reads and writes Harry Potter fic. Together, they fight crime! Very specifically weird crime.

the person who was hit is justified in hitting back as hard as he or she can

A professional fighter can be charged with assault with a deadly weapon for fighting back in self defense.

A professional fighter can be charged with assault with a deadly weapon for fighting back in self defense.

Yep. One of the things that often gets underlined at the dojo is that if the kids (or anyone who trains there actually) get into a fight outside of the dojo, they have to remember to use just enough of their skills to get out of the situation and get to a safe place and no more.

I was wondering if this was a difference in how we think about violence and physical fights. He was a football player in college. I have never punched or hit anyone, at least not since I was a toddler. I know that, if someone pushes or hits me, or even gets too far into my space, my instinctive reaction is to put my hands up in defense and step back. He says his instinctive reaction to someone pushing him is to push back.

He's about a foot and a half taller than me and probably close to 100 pounds heavier. I said, "OK, if I punched you as hard as I could, and if you punched me as hard as you could, you might have a bruise and I would likely have some broken bones. That means that you've got more of a responsibility to temper your force in physical stuff with other people -- neither of us should hit someone, but if we did, you have more of a responsibility to not use full force than I do." He said no, that's not fair, that in any situation where I would be justified in hitting someone with as much force as I can, he would also be justified in hitting with as much force as he can.

Yeah, he's wrong.

Enough force to end the danger and no more.

Which means if no one's threatened you with physical danger, keep your hands (and feet (and head (and elbows (and knees)))) to yourself.

I don't know how much it happens in real life, but I dislike the free pass given to women a lot onscreen that they can hit without being hit back. But that's totally not the same as whaling on them. Ten to one being hit back as hard as they hit would end the fight right there. Getting hit when you're not expecting it and you're not used to it is a big shock.

In health class in high school senior year, when we had the "family relationships" curriculum, our teacher told us that, even though we see it all the time in movies, if a man calls a woman a bitch and then she slaps him, she's physically abusing him. A bunch of people in that class had, "What, really? Are you serious?" reactions.

DH and I have much different opinions about violence and physical fights due to our different backgrounds and physical capabilities. I have seen him in tough physical competition and in touchy potentially violent situations. I can't imagine him ever using more force than required and he is genius in his ability to avoid conflict. He plays ball in some really rough areas and gets challenged way more often than I would like, yet he always manages to talk the person down. Although he has a 'huge' physical advantage he will always choose another plan before a physical fight. Might be the big brains part.

edit for grammar