I was going to post a "Jesus Christ, all I do is fucking COMPLAIN in Bitches anymore; I swear I am just going to post porn from now on" but then I went to bed.

Heh. All I do is complain, or post clicky-links of shoes. Go porn, choose porn!

I vote for porn, too! Porn makes everything better.

I second apple butter, too!

Hmmm, nothing original to say, today. That's okay, seconding is a well-respected activity on this board.

I am going to put Barry White on a contstant replay for the next week of my job hunt. SEXY LADY ADJUNCT!

awwwwwwww, yeah!

I just want to point out that everyone's voting for porn, but no one is posting any. I have to step out for a minute to do some business. I expect this situation to be rectified when I return.

APPLE BUTTER! Do you have a crock pot?

I have two crock pots. Will your recipe require me to have to jar some up for later, because I'm kind of afraid of doing that?

I have a comment about "broken-record" posting but there is a rat in my recliner and the cat (who brought it in here) is being No Help At All. So I skipped the last 40 posts to make it all about meeeeee. I have the front door open and a carriage whip but rats are very clever. On the plus side she doesn't seem to be injured at all.

Hey, I thought it was awesome that a straight middle-aged dude would show that kind of solidarity.

I think that is pretty awesome.

I lied through omission to my mom, because there were things that we simply couldn't talk about without it devolving into tears. Mostly religion. There are some things where there simply won't be a middle ground so you can either continue to fight the battle or just not talk about it. It was easier to discuss things with Dad, because he could actually debate emotionally laden issues without taking disagreement as equaling a dismissal of his entire moral structure. I really miss talking to him about things. Back in college I'd come home with ideas that I knew he'd disagree with (generally--sometimes I was surprisingly wrong) and I'd know I was on to something if I could either debate Dad to a standstill or even win one. He was pretty smart.

Mom was the one I could tell I was writing porn, though. She didn't want to read it, but she was ok knowing about it. I guess that was one of the few things over which Dad went into "father of little girl" mode. I could discuss the idea of porn with him, though, just not my own creation thereof.

Shoe porn, Jilli. Shoe porn.

I want hot pink satin sky-high stilettos with ruffles or crimps. I have nowhere to wear them, and no money to buy them, but I have wanted them for 4 years and I still do.

Also, two-tone burgundy patent and suede 40's style t-strap with a Cuban heel and spectator style, and forest-green leather CFM pumps.

And dull brown leather Frye boots.

And a collection of saucy stockings and naughty French undies and new perfume with an amber base and vanilla notes and a touch of leather. And an square-cut emerald in a vintage Art Nouveau platinum or white gold setting.

Apple butter is really easy.

Sauce apples.

Place in crock pot on low, add sugar and spice and everything nice.

Buy or assemble a bunch of half pint or pint jars and lids. A dozen jars (the size that the packages come in) should be enough if you are using pints. Wash jars, have them somewhere you can remember for when the butter is ready.

Cook down, lid off or cracked, until thickened (you can let it rest overnight, or when you're gone during the day). When cooked down, add a dash of apple cider vinegar (not much, just enough to add tang and depth).

Bring large pot of water to a boil, with your jars in it.

Place jar lids in hot, but not boiling, water. Leave lid rings where you can get to them.

Using jar lifting tongs, remove hot jars from water. Add butter, leaving 1/2" headroom. Place lid on jars. Place rings on lids and fingerscrew. Place jars back in boiling water. Process 20 minutes. Remove, listen for the happy popping sound.

Enjoy apple butter on pancakes for the next several months.

I have two crock pots. Will your recipe require me to have to jar some up for later, because I'm kind of afraid of doing that?

It's not hard! And it's totally worth it!

Mmmmmm, apple butter.