I remember when my parents expected me to fly to their house for every holiday, family event, etc., in my young adulthood. They paid for the flights (for the most part), but they didn't get that I was a working adult who only had 2 weeks of vacation per year and didn't necessarily want to spend all of it at their house. I had to have a rather difficult conversation with them about it. But you know what? They got it. My mom even brought it up to me recently as one of the times they truly got that I was a grown up person with my own life. Part of being a grown-up is being able to have these conversations and hold your ground. Remember that we are always our Mamas' babies, even when we're old (and I'd say that goes across cultural lines). And while it can be really (really) irritating, it's also sweet and comforting sometimes.
ETA: Or what Plei said in way less words.
Where's that "Scrappy is wise" T-shirt?
You don't really have to lie, exactly. It's just that there are things your parents don't need to know. When they don't know them, they're happier and you're happier. Also, as someone pointed out up thread, "I'm going to be busy Saturday" is not a lie. It's just not the whole truth. I don't like lying, mostly because, as Mark Twain said, the truth is easier to remember, but I don't see any reason to add to someone's unhappiness when I'm going to continue to do things they don't like.
Mark Twain had another thought, in "On the Decay of the Art of Lying:"
An injurious truth has no merit over an injurious lie. Neither should ever be uttered. The man who speaks an injurious truth, lest his soul be not saved if he do otherwise, should reflect that that sort of a soul is not strictly worth saving.
(I'm not implying you're being injurious, P-C. It's just another way to think about the truth.)
I know it's easy to miss things. I wasn't so much asking for hairpats as pointing out how invisible one can sometimes feel.
I know. But I did feel bad for missing it. It does happen to all of us, on occasion.
It's my own fault for saying to the dog, "You're trying to break my ankle with these holes you're digging, aren't you?" Then I stepped in one and there was an ominous pop.
Oh Ginger. I have to smile at that.
I'll be digging out for some time. I'm trying to figure out where the foot of dirt washed up on the patio should go
Put it in the holes!
Part of adulthood is renegotiating boundaries and expectations with your parents, and even the most reasonable ones can be a pain when it comes to that. Believe me, I know.
Man, is that ever true.
Oh, ditto. I'm dealing with it right now in the form of disappointed parents who can't understand why on earth we want to move so far away from themmmmmm.
And they genuinely don't get that it has nothing to do with them, but they can't help but measure our choices by their parameters. They like Florida, they like living here (even if they're not here for more than six months out of the year) ergo, they don't understand the depth of our dislike. That surely we're exaggerating.
It's like, dudes-- we're in our forties already. We not only want to do this, we feel as if we need to do this for ourselves and for the benefit of our children. You can either choose to respect and accept that or not, but it's not going to change the fact that it's happening.
It's hard. Sometimes harder when they've been reasonable for the most part, so the dissatisfaction/disappointment comes as a bit of a shock. But it's not enough to make me change my mind.
I give my cancer pharmacology workshop in two hours. I discovered last night that I actually only have one fifteen-minute break, not two, which means even more time to fill. Hi, let's all talk about ourselves and have live-action demonstrations of DNA alkylation! This will be interesting.
How long is your presentation supposed to run, P-C? No reason why you can't cut them loose a little early if it happens. Trust me, they won't be complaining.
