I have bipolar disorder and it's mostly deep depressions with anxiety attacks punctuated by hypomania not the extreme mania. I never had the compulsion to go and SPEND SPEND but that's not the end all be all of what mania is. I would do more obsessive things --there would be one thing I'd just totally focus on and it would have all my attention until my moods shifted and then I'd forget it .

For example (and this was when things were starting to get bad) I started going to church 3 times a week, reading every book I could get my hands on about Christianity, praying all the time, reading my Bible all the time. And then I went to a party and met a guy and started going out to bars every night and started drinking and never went back to church or read any book and stopped praying. All my focus went to this guy (and then to another). I barely got any sleep and felt like I could run on 2 hours of sleep. Plus I got really angry really easy. Terrible road rage.

I lost my self control and impulse control and I'd do just about anything. There was a time I was obsessing about tattoos (several years before the religoius stuff) and if I'd had money I probably would have lots of tattoos right now. Only I was broke so no follow through. Oh, and I was super hyper. It was like I was on ELEVENTY!1!!OMIGOD!1!!! all the time. But no follow through.

Lots of big plans, lots of new starts but no follow through. I started college on a whim, I broke up with a boy friend on a whim. It was like my brain was being run by a hamster wheel. A hamster wheel with a hamster on speed.

Most of my life though it was months long depressive episodes with spikes of energy and then more depression.

Thank fully because of medication and therapy (although I could use more therapy) I'm where I am now.

I don't know how my bipolar disorder would be classified, the therapist I worked with said it didn't matter what we classified it was all bipolar disorder.

I spent most of my life with the diagnosis atypical depression until I landed in the hospital and they said "bipolar disorder". I've read about Early Onset Bipolar Disorder (when it shows up in kids) and I really think that's what I have.

I've only read one book on manic depression but I highly recommend it: An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness (Paperback)

Redfield Jamison is AWESOME. She wrote one of my favorites, Touched with Fire.

I need an emoticon for "Thunderous applause for Epic!"

Thank you. I just feel better for having articulated it and put it out there. Let's hope that it makes even a teeny difference. Because I really do prefer their format and really would hate to leave.

Nothing to add to the mental health discussion, other than a pretty low-grade depression seems to run in my family - for which my mother is taking something but I thankfully haven't needed to yet (tho' there were times when it was a near thing). And my extremely low-grade OCD that hasn't interfered with life.

She wrote one of my favorites, Touched with Fire.

I think she wrote this, and then outed herself as bipolar in An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness, right? Anyway, I'd forgotten about Touched with Fire - I should read that.

It was good...I learned a lot. Cool...I got in at the ground floor of a Kos Olbermann diary...I hope that was not my break for the week, but it was nice not to be at the bottom of a trillion comments. That is like Wonk beatlemania, I swear. He used to crash the servers.

My advisor has not responded to a single email I've sent him in the past week. He's practically never in his office. There are several time-sensitive things that I need to discuss with him.

Do you have a sleeping bag? Maybe you could crash in front of his door? (Seriously, Hil, I can't even imagine how frustrated you must be).

OK, Bitches. I'm skipping and skimming for your ~mas.

I've been really quiet the past (enter a number) hours, because life were full of All Sorts of Things I didn't even had the power to summarize in the end of every day.

One of those things was my sister's health.

On Tuesday I got the call from my parents she's in the ER, and they're there with her. Now, there's a part of me that's waiting for this call ever since she was stationed on the border of Gaza. Stuff are falling around her 24/7 from the sky, so I feared that day.

In this case, thank God thank God thank God, it wasn't anything that had to do with Stuff Falling from the Sky, Hamas' Payback Time or any kind of the Armed Struggle. Still, I freaked out a little when I did get that call. You see, that call... Could have been That Call.

In the past week and a half my sister developed some kind of infection in her elbow, probably in her tendons. Being a commander in charge of several soldiers, some of them are sick, and with a Life and Death Responsibility on her shoulders 24/7, she didn't take care of herself - she needed to be there. For some days now, her entire arm was numb, so she finally figured she needed to see a doctor (well, only after my mom shouted at her to go and see one ASAP). The army Doctor sent her straight to the ER, where she was given a reception for antibiotics.

The antibiotics doesn't seem to work, and it's the third day she's on them. She's still in pain and need to make use of said arm in her job. Stupid Army Regulations prevents her from seeing a doctor for the time being (because it's not life and death issue, but she need to be sent again to the ER). At the moment, we're trying to see our options to take care of her without breaking army regulations ASAP.

So I'd really appreciate any kind of health~ma towards her, make it Seeing A Doctor Soon~ma or Get That Antibiotics Working~ma.

Oh Shir. Tons and tons and tons of health ~ma for your sister and calm ~ma for you.