Guys. I'm skipping (or actually, partly skipping. Planning to read what I've missed later). I didn't want to and planned to read all of the 300+ posts tonight and tomorrow, but Big Emotional Breakdown took charge in the meantime.

My parents, who raised me with a pretty left-wing agenda (yet not that liberal. That part I taught myself. For better explanation of what 'left" means in Israel: [link] ), are now very seriously considering to move to a settlement (Ma'ale Adummim), and I am to move with them. This city is being considered mostly because it's close to the very expensive Jerusalem, and like all settlements, is very cheap (settlements offer the same homes for third or half of the prices within Israel. A lot of the people in the settlement cities are not there because of ideology, but for the excellent prices). It's also big enough not to be returned in any future agreement (if that will happen in my lifetime), and not-such-a-bad-place, life quality wise.

But it's a settlement. My biggest, reddest line of all. In the various discussions in our house of those red lines, I even backed off my original "no" to the ring neighborhoods (and even discovered there's one type of settlement which I kind of approve of: the kibbutzs at north of the Dead Sea which were in a "settlement"/"not a settlement" on and off state for years, until around 1978 Israel finally decided they were settlements and they won't fight for the territory there. Also, the original territory in dispute was also with Jordan, with which we have peace now).

Basically, I'm under all sorts of pressures here. I cannot allow myself to live without the support of my family, and in this move it'll mean to live with them (for the first time after 9 years I'm not living at home). But it's my values (and what I thought was their values, too), vs. my family. And this is tearing me apart.

I told my dad, joking about the then-far-from-mind option, that if they'll move there I'll give an open invitation to every ISM/ISI/AAtW activist with the permission to sleep over/eat/whatever at out place. My dad, in response, said he'll host meetings of Combatants for Peace (which I believe he's actually planning to take part of).

But all of these doesn't matter, as much as I turned and turned in those ideas in the past weeks. In the end, you cannot call yourself leftist and live in a settlement, just as you can't eat the cake and leave it whole. Even if my dad and I will stay true to our words, and I'll even join Checkpoint Watch, it'll still won't make up for this family being a direct part of the occupation. Not to me, at least.

Ever since I realized earlier today how much real this option became I can't stop crying. But it's been a hell of a long day. I'm gonna eat something, and sit in front some TV to try and forget about this for a while. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow, and might come up with a battle plan, but right now... I cannot believe I found myself in this situation. Dammit.

Edited for grammar.

There are certain parts of my Irish heritage that I take great pride in...specifically music and the arts. I wish that my own family had been even remotely successful in avoiding the sad stereotypes of alcoholism and depression.

I guess for me, it's not even the fact that I grew up with Irish Rah Rah Rah, and having pride in whatnot (though I did reference in my earlier remark). I know a lot of actual Irish people. My family is connected to its heritage. It's just part of who I am and part of who my family is.

I'm the only one...ONLY one...in the four generations of which I'm aware...that is not an addict of some sort or mentally ill.

I also struggle with depression and addiction issues, but I don't think it's because of my Irish heritage, I think it's because of how my brain is wired (wrt depression) and how my family including my non-Irish mom raised me (addiction issues).

But, you know, congrats on the non-mental illenss having.

Anyway. Bygones. (I'm leaving to go to a work event and won't get back online for several hours, so I'm not flouncing off!)

I am sorry. I censor myself all over the internet but here I feel comfortable and sometimes that leads to me saying things in jest that I shouldn't ought to have said.

I'm glad that we have the kind of discourse where you can speak up

so very much this.

cereal before I duck out:

God, Shir- how horrible. I can't imagine having so many aspects of life so fraught with political and cultural meaning. {{Shir}}

Oh Shir. I can't imagine how tough this is for you.

How could anyone cut off their own hand and then be able to throw it faster than other boat could just smack down?

well, if someone on board had a nice sharp broadsword, it could be the work of seconds.

I am(among other things, Irish-American...to my knowledge, I should say, because we are weirdo Irish-Americans who do not know what part of the Emerald Isle spawned us...which is so rare in my experience that there might be something odd about it.) But I'm also a sick fucker, too.

{{{Shir}}}

In my opinion, while you're still financially dependant on your parents you sometimes have to compromise your ideals (like remaining closeted if they'd disown you if they found out you're gay.)

Oh Shir, I cannot even imagine.

One of my dearest friends growing up had a major change of heart between our youth and now and lives on a settlement. We never discuss it and it STILL hangs in the air. I cannot begin to fathom what you must be going through.

How much longer do you think you'll live with your folks? Is it an "until graduation" kind of thing?

Thanks, all.

How much longer do you think you'll live with your folks? Is it an "until graduation" kind of thing?

Yeah. I'm planning studying for M.A. abroad.

I just really, really hope that another option which won't include living in a settlement will come up, and FAST.