DJ Lance freaks me out. He needs to blink!

no flea, I don't. I see mac's every week. I can't manage another expense or another appointment during my workday. As it is, since June, I went form a 2 hour lunch every other Thursday to one every Thursday. Then there is never staying late. Not being able to be here on time for the Tuesday 8:30 meetings all summer because the summer program is an 8am start.

And honestly - venting here and elsewhere on the internet is about as good as it gets - I do not think a therapist would help. I've been in therapy that was helpful, but having someone else validate that this is hard is not worth the time or money for me. I may get more sitter help is what I might do, BUT, and there is always a but - when mac is high anxiety like he is now - he needs MORE of my time and MORE assurance that he will not lose me and MORE devoted attention. I need a live-in who does not want sex or money, or a sponsor so I can drop down to part-time work yet still have insurance.

I am so tired of car problems.

Car problems are never fun and often expensive. I don't like them either.

I got lucky recently, the blower motor on my Honda was squeaking like mad and I kept putting off replacing it because it's really uncomfortable on my back to do it. It stopped squeaking recently. Procrastination pays off!

And honestly - venting here and elsewhere on the internet is about as good as it gets

Here is a good place to vent. I've used it myself. I'm sorry you are having to go through so much. It makes our parenting issues seem very insignificant.

I'm sorry you and mac are having a rough time, msbelle. Thinking of you both.

Should be working. Don't wanna.

Not that I think you should get a therapist you can't afford, but I think a good therapist doesn't just validate that it's hard (we can do that!), but helps you come up with strategies to manage the hardness, and protect your own sanity while coping with the hardness. You do seem to know yourself and your needs really well, so maybe you can do some of that on your own. I just would love to see you having some more support.

I think a good therapist doesn't just validate that it's hard (we can do that!), but helps you come up with strategies to manage the hardness, and protect your own sanity while coping with the hardness.

flea is me in this. I couldn't have said it better.

My clients need, and can work with, so much more than 'how does that make you feel?' God save us from that cultural cliche.

mac's therapist does that with me. and I hope I did not come off as dissing therapists. I had a very helpful and wonderful therapist for PTSD, and I value both the safeplace to talk and the support/guidance I got from it. But with this, I have books that discuss behaviors EXACTLY like mac's and the therapist reinforces those books.

The babysitter/mother's helper was gone for all of June and she is back now, so there will be someone in the house twice a week to ease the work and the presense is really a huge difference. It is very possible that we will move in the next twelve months to be closer to my parents. I would only move soemwhere with in 15-20 of their house and since neither of them work, on most days I would then have someone almost immediately over in the house with us.

But before I get to far down that path, we are probably going to try mac on some medications that are low-dose, easy on/easy off anti-anxiety type meds. I have called the Dr. we saw for a follow-up and to get all the specifics he recommends as options for mac.

100 Essential Skills for Geeks

I disagree with a lot of these, but... read and discuss/argue, if you want....

I got some nice support from the doctor this morning. My blood sugars have been whacked for a while, due to stress eating and food being one of the few sources of pleasure currently. Doc frowned at the records and started talking about insulin. He asked if I could do the injections, and I said I didn't have much choice, did I? I was starting to tear up from frustration and general life-sucksness, and I said "I'm tired of this. I don't want to play anymore." Hubby and I share doctor appointments (an inadvisable idea, but necessary for logistics), and he starts babbling reassurances, getting panicky the way he always does when my aplomb and coping abilities start to crack.

Doc gives me a long look and says, "We're not going to worry about the blood sugar just yet, you've got enough to deal with. Let's see if we can get you willing to play the game again."

I've said similar to Hubby, but he just looks a little panicked and says "I love you," which is sweet but not useful. It was nice to have someone actually hear how close I am to the edge and to realize that adding to the load takes second place to making the load easier to carry.