Crumpled up paper is the most reliable cat toy I have.

One time, my grandmother was catsitting for my aunts, and she couldn't figure out why their otherwise neat house had trash all over the floor! Right, crumpled-paper cat toys.

Of course, my grandmother is really not a pet person, and one time let a neighbor cat into the house, thinking it was one of the cats that lived there. Oops! (All three were black.)

That happened to a friend of mine when he came to feed my cats. He scooped up the fluffy cat that was meowing at the front door while his wife read the note I had left saying how standoffish and not cuddly my cats were. "Pshaw," he said, cuddling the cat. Then she got to the part where all three of mine are calicos and the one he was holding was all white...

I'm writing hate mail to UPS.

Let's review: My package was returned immediately after the 3rd delivery attempt, because on the day of the 2nd delivery attempt it became your new policy to do that instead of holding packages for pick-up. And apparently it's my responsibility to be on the lookout for this sort of sudden policy change, so I should plan to check your website every day and read all the fine print just in case. I definitely should have made delivery arrangements such as signing the InfoNotice to have the package left. Although there's no real point in doing that since, even if the sender didn't request that you collect a signature on receipt, and I sign the InfoNotice releasing you from all liability associated with leaving the package at my door, the driver has complete authority to override everyone else's decision.

Everything in that is as various UPS customer service folk have "explained" it to me over the past couple days.

HATE.

"PS: Don't pet the white cat that hangs around the front yard. It's infested with parasites..."

Whoohoo, Maine!!

Fuck, yeah!!!

Things my dog loves.

• food
• stuff on the street that may have once claimed to be 'food'
• me
• food
• my friend K
• food
• my clients
• food
• toy stuffing
• food.

I'm sure you see the pattern here.

OMG, I just did a tiny, easy work task that will save so much time down the line. That was incredibly satisfying, and I don't know why I didn't do it sooner!

Maine!

We have civil partnerships here in the land of uk. It's a good thing too, 'cause I'm a high-maintenance, low-earning, slightly overweight, short, only-held-up-by-crutches, spider-fearing perpetual student, and she's a future West End theatre director. I'm going to need that piece of paper.

Hmm. Essay or HIMYM rerun... essay or HIMYM rerun... essay or... OK then.

Hilarious: Free chicken riots at KFC. Thanks, Oprah!