Calli, that's brilliant.
Kaylee: You're nice, too. Mal: No, I'm not. I'm a mean old man.
'Serenity'
Natter 63: Life after PuppyCam
Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.
amych - Mar 18, 2009 10:51:48 am PDT #11382 of 30000
Now let us crush something soft and watch it fountain blood. That is a girlish thing to want to do, yes?
JZ - Mar 18, 2009 10:57:13 am PDT #11383 of 30000
See? I gave everybody here an opportunity to tell me what a bad person I am and nobody did, because I fuckin' rule.
Heh, that's awesome.
The rude clown joke is also brilliant.
I once heard somebody tell the joke about the three-legged dog, and manage to spin it out to an almost ten-minute Western epic. It was truly majestic.
Ginger - Mar 18, 2009 11:05:01 am PDT #11384 of 30000
"It didn't taste good. It tasted soooo horrible. It tasted like....a vodka martini." - Matilda
What is black and white and black and white and black and white? A nun rolling down a hill.
What is green and goes "Slam slam slam slam"? A four-door pickle
What's purple and conquered Europe? Alexander the Grape
How can you tell there's an elephant in your bed? 1) By the E on his pajamas 2) By the peanuts on his breath.
How do you get four elephants into a compact car? Two in the front and two in the back.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Can't be done. It's a hardware problem.
Tom Scola - Mar 18, 2009 11:15:24 am PDT #11385 of 30000
hwæt
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Four. It actually only takes one programmer to change a light bulb, but three will leave in the middle of the project.
§ ita § - Mar 18, 2009 11:16:05 am PDT #11386 of 30000
Well not canonically, no, but this is transformative fiction.
Scola--I thought the answer was: None--it's a hardware problem.
Tom Scola - Mar 18, 2009 11:17:38 am PDT #11387 of 30000
hwæt
I've heard both versions.
Toddson - Mar 18, 2009 11:19:21 am PDT #11388 of 30000
Friends don't let friends read "Atlas Shrugged"
One kind-of clean joke that always makes me smile:
A young couple has gone out on a date and afterwards they park in the local lovers' lane and start kissing. She's obviously enjoying herself, so he asks, "would you like to get in the back seat?" She says no, so they keep kissing in the front seat. As they're getting more passionate, he again asks, "would you like to get in the back seat?" She says no again and they keep on. Finally he asks, "are you SURE you don't want to get in the back seat?" and she replies, quite indignantly, "no! I want to stay in the front seat with you!"
I am easily amused.
Atropa - Mar 18, 2009 11:19:56 am PDT #11389 of 30000
The artist formerly associated with cupcakes.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
However many are trying to avoid tech reviewing the documentation.
t sorry, the cranky editor tag doesn't close
lisah - Mar 18, 2009 11:22:26 am PDT #11390 of 30000
Punishingly Intricate
ahahahahah, Jilli! I was trying to work out a tech writer-related one. That's perfect! (Although, I have to say, my one programmer I work with most here is fantastic about turning around his doc edits.)
Kathy A - Mar 18, 2009 11:24:46 am PDT #11391 of 30000
We're very stretchy. - Connie Neil
The other Irish joke I remember:
It's Sunday Mass, and the priest, known for his fire and brimstone homilies, is in fine form.
"On the day of judgement, God will render his decisions on you all! And he will decide if you will go to Heaven or to Hell! If you go to Heaven, he will take you to his bosom and there will be bliss ever after. But if you are wicked, he will send you to Hell. And there will be a great weeping, and a great wailing, and a terrible, horrible gnashing of the teeth!"
At this point, a little old lady in the congregation stands up, and says to the priest, "But, Father! I haven't got any teeth!"
He glares down at her and says, "Teeth will be provided!!!"