Man, I love Improv Everywhere!!
It's a real burden being right so often.
Mal ,'Bushwhacked'
Natter 63: Life after PuppyCam
Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.
Jesse - Mar 18, 2009 9:51:29 am PDT #11351 of 30000
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.
tommyrot - Mar 18, 2009 9:51:58 am PDT #11352 of 30000
Sir, it's not an offence to let your cat eat your bacon. Okay? And we don't arrest cats, I'm very sorry.
Man, I love Improv Everywhere!!
Yeah, that one is now one of my faves....
Toddson - Mar 18, 2009 9:53:32 am PDT #11353 of 30000
Friends don't let friends read "Atlas Shrugged"
OK, this made me laugh.
aurelia - Mar 18, 2009 9:56:22 am PDT #11354 of 30000
All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story. Tell me a story.
I remember hearing lots of dead baby and blender jokes.
The only joke I can tell anymore isn't a kids joke: A well-dressed gentleman is walking down the street when a bum asks him for some money. The gentleman says, "Neither a borrower nor lender be - Shakespeare." The bum replies, "Fuck you - Mamet."
Fred Pete - Mar 18, 2009 9:57:55 am PDT #11355 of 30000
Ann, that's a ferret.
I'll never send you to the store for grapes!
Daisy Jane - Mar 18, 2009 9:58:21 am PDT #11356 of 30000
"This bar smells like kerosene and stripper tears."
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Reminds me of my favorite blonde joke back when I was.
How do you get a blonde pregnant? You fuck her. And you thought they were stupid!
My favorite joke that got me in many a frat party. Not clean and requires a southern accent.
Three southern belles are discussing their beaus, all of whom are named Bubba. This causes much confusion so they come up with a solution to nickname each one after a soda pop.
The first belle says, "Imma nickname my Bubba...7-Up, cause he's 7 inches long and always up!"
The second belle says, "Well Imma nickname mine Mountain Dew, cause that's all he wants to do is mount 'n do."
The third belle takes her time and after a while says, "I think I'll nickname my Bubba...Jack Daniels."
The other two exclaim, "Sweetie! You can't do that! That's not a soda pop, that's a hard liquor!"
And she says, "Yeah. I know!"
DavidS - Mar 18, 2009 10:00:40 am PDT #11357 of 30000
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
The topical joke that always made me crack up was:
What's the title of Salman Rushdie's new novel? Buddah, You Fat Fuck!
Kathy A - Mar 18, 2009 10:01:02 am PDT #11358 of 30000
We're very stretchy. - Connie Neil
In my drama class in college, one of our first classes had everyone getting up and telling two jokes, and they had to be story-type jokes, not q&a ones. I told two I heard on "Dave Allen at Large" on PBS, complete with the appropriate Irish accent, and they both went over very well (unlike most of my joke telling), so I still pull them out every once in a while.
Jesse - Mar 18, 2009 10:05:22 am PDT #11359 of 30000
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.
I always wish I could remember the "gesture debate" joke I knew in high school. It was religious.
lisah - Mar 18, 2009 10:05:24 am PDT #11360 of 30000
Punishingly Intricate
The only joke I can tell anymore isn't a kids joke: A well-dressed gentleman is walking down the street when a bum asks him for some money. The gentleman says, "Neither a borrower nor lender be - Shakespeare." The bum replies, "Fuck you - Mamet."
That's one of my only ones too! Except it's longer and ends "Fuck you, you fucking fuck." - David Mamet
I also know a super long one about a rude clown that I don't have time to type up now.