I was going to wait until after Christmas, but it seems I need to dump now.

As I posted before, I started a new job at the very start of 2008 and that was a great change for me. Much less stress, shorter commute, regular hours, a boss that is not a pain about Dr. appts or being late because of school performances. The only downside is I went from 18-20 vaca/personal days to 15.

The house mostly stayed together. I did have to get a new toilet and I had a third round of water damage to the bathroom ceiling.

We took our first vacation (not family visit) and mac only had a few emotional bumps. On that trip we got to see friends which was really nice. We also got down to B'more for another short trip and saw friends.

Mac learned to swim, ride a bike(without training wheels), and started karate.

Mac also started having behavior problems at school and at home and started therapy in the spring. He's worked hard in therapy and made a lot of progress working through trauma and emotions. There were some extremely rough times over the summer as he faced leaving for a week with family without me there, but we've come out the other side ok. Mac has had no notes home about behavior this school year thus far, which is amazing. We're at a calm spot at home and if we make it through the holidays without any violent episodes I will be ecstatic, but it's a lot to expect with routines thrown off and so much extra stimuli. I've found a single mother's group that I hope will be some support and my friends have been a wonder for me to dump on emotionally. My parents experienced some of the rough stuff firsthand while keeping mac for a week, so they have a much better understanding of where I am at when I call (which is one of the ways to diffuse an episode).

Mac's growing has slowed down a bit (5.125" in 2 years), but he has outgrown 2 leg braces in the last year. His leg has had no problems though, so for that, much thanks. The medical things we had with mac this year was that a heart murmur was detected, and he tested borderline for TB (not uncommon for Eth kids as many were give an immunization shot and it will cause borderline tests, also many are latent carriers). After an ECHO, the heart murmur was deemed very minor and just something to be aware of if there are ever future problems. The TB will be re-tested every year (ugh) and if the reaction is ever worse, a chest x-ray will be taken.

For me, the second half of the year has been medical no-fun zone. Lumps on my breast were detected and initially I was told I needed 3 biopsies. After a specialist was consulted, that was deemed unnecessary (not a fun couple of weeks there) and I will just be on a 6 month mamo and sonogram cycle for a few years to watch and catch if anything becomes more than lumpy breasts. Additionally, after 6 months of strange cycles getting stranger and more painful I went for an ultrasound of all the girly parts and uterian polyps were discovered. I go on Christmas Eve to a specialist, so until then no idea on a plan or the scope or really anything. Not really worried, but my hormones are a mess which leaves me in a less than stable emotional place with which to navigate mac, the holidays, and everyday life. Again, thank goodness for friends and family who don't mind grumpy gripers who growl.

Everyday I am aware of how close both mac and I are to an emotional edge. Thankfully we both find comfort from each other and we really do respect our family so much that we are willing to work very hard both together and separately to get better in our roles. We met and became a family 2 years ago on 12/4/06, and when I think about things as if he were a toddler now (as it would be if I had given birth 2 years ago, and as his relationships would be if he had only known a life and a mother for 2 years), experiences often makes a lot more sense. We have so much. I have so much. I am thankful for a job, a safe and comfortable home, more than enough food and comforts of a first world life, a supportive family and friends, money in the bank, and more than (continued...)

( continues...) one fall-back plan should things go south. This little place on the internet: lines of php code and posts from a mish mash of folk is really nice to have. It keeps me less isolated when I head that direction and more grounded when self-pity rears its head. I'm hoping for boring in 2009, but I suspect a continued roller-coaster is more of what is in store.

OK, that teared me up. So much family became in the past 2 years. I hope if you have to ride a rollercoaster again, it has a lot of highs.

Oh msbelle. you made me tear up too. I do hope 2009 will be smoother sailing to mix metaphors.

msbelle, you and mac leave me speechless, bless you both.

Also in tears here. I'm so lucky I got to meet you and Mac this year. You are both pretty freaking lovable people.

man, did not mean to make people cry. Thank you all for the love.

man, did not mean to make people cry.

It's happy tears! Like what I keep breaking into listening to the recording a friend just converted to a digital format for me from tape that I made of my grandmother and her sisters talking about their childhoods. I made the tape back in grad school (like 96/97) and my grandmother died in 2004. I haven't listened to the tape since then so playing the recording now (as I make copies for my family) is incredibly emotional for me. I haven't listned to the whole thing yet but I know she sings at some point and that is going to wreck me.

That's a wonderful post, msbelle. Happy tears is right.no

I'm...not ready to talk about 2008 yet. May never be, but that's okay. It's over soon.

tears here too, msbelle, but they come from a large well of affection for both you and mac, and so they are most welcome.

I had a few ups and downs this year, but I feel like life is finally coming to a more even keel, for which I am incredibly grateful.