Oh, that's lovely. I wish I had that gift for metaphor and imagery.

I think courting still exists, in odd ways. Email and IM may not seem traditionally romantic, but I think they really can be. Not to say that I would turn down a little traditional romance, mind you, but I think the state of romance today still largely rests on the individual. Also, given that traditional courting stemmed mainly from the fact that women were so rigidly controlled by their families and therefore had to be courted from afar, I think I'd rather have my independence.

ION, please, someone help me get out of my head. I can't shake these blues for no good reason.

Oh, and Tep, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, but try not to beat youself up too much. Earlier this year I was on my third nasty antibiotic for my pneumonia, and I made the mistake if taking the last pill right before I ate instead of after. This resulted in me vomiting all over the inside of Drew's truck, and as I wept in misery and shame, he cleaned everything up and got me home. It's awful, but it's also a sign of a partner who will stand by you. Hang in there.

Because it deserves its own post, Shir, I have no advice, but I do have as much compassion and peace-ma as I can spare heading your way.

I think courting still exists, in odd ways.

I suppose it does, and I've certainly engaged in my fair share of e-mail and IM romance. Maybe what keeps it distinct from my vision of "courting" is the way we tend to downplay the whole process. It's the very rare modern man (outside of the movies) who's willing to say, with or without poetry, "We haven't known each other long, but you amaze me. Since we met, I've been unable to think of anything but you. You are beautiful and funny and inspire me to great heights. If I could see you every day, I would."

Instead we say "I had fun. Want to hang out again on Tuesday?" and pretend that we're casual about it, even when we're not. Because coming on too strong and having strong feelings without rational consideration is a crime in the Sex and the City generation, and any statement of such feelings may be construed as a sleazy seductive technique.

It's possible I'm wrong, and just don't know how to do it right.

I think it all comes down to whether the attention is desired. If I fancied someone I would love to hear their terrible poetry. There is a chance that an amazingly good poem might change my mind about someone I thought I wasn't attracted to. But the only way a poem could be bad enough to turn me off on someone would be if it revealed something about their character that I hadn't realized I'm opposed to.

Kristin- sending you no-more-blues ~ma.

Kitten love to brighten your day: [link]

The only person who's ever written me poetry was this ex-roommate who developed this weird love/hate thing for me and would write these godawful poems and long analyses of my character and slide them under my bedroom door. I'm not sure how I'd react to poetry coming from someone who didn't totally skeeve me, though.

one more boiled egg question- does it matter which end is up?

It's the very rare modern man (outside of the movies) who's willing to say, with or without poetry, "We haven't known each other long, but you amaze me. Since we met, I've been unable to think of anything but you. You are beautiful and funny and inspire me to great heights. If I could see you every day, I would."

Instead we say "I had fun. Want to hang out again on Tuesday?" and pretend that we're casual about it, even when we're not. Because coming on too strong and having strong feelings without rational consideration is a crime in the Sex and the City generation, and any statement of such feelings may be construed as a sleazy seductive technique.

It's possible I'm wrong, and just don't know how to do it right.

I agree with Laga -- if the woo-ee WANTS to hear it, then of course its wildly romantic movie love. But if the woo-ee doesn't want to hear it, or is unsure, or is just a turtle, then it comes off as creepy and overbearing.

Hugh Grant movies only show the scenario where the woo-ee wants to hear the love poems and grand declarations of adoration, so of course we start to think "Why isn't MY life like that???"

Or, as Sleepless in Seattle (loathe it though I do) put it: "You don't want to be in love; you want to be in love in the movies."

So basically, making the grand declaration of adoration is a matter of judging whether it would be well received. Again, that may not *sound* romantic, but frankly, a lot of things that are billed as "romantic" are contrived claptrap and foofurrah.