Laga, stick to your guns on this one. Try to gently remind your mom that not being accepted into the group is part of the natural consequences for the habitual behaviors of this sister rather than a "punishment", and that protecting others from the consequences of their behaviors is what enablers do, and it keeps them from facing the true need to change. It hurts like hell, stopping the enabling, because so much of what it is feels like being loving and helping. Telling such a person that there will be unpleasant consequences of continuing in a behavior then giving in on those consequences is rather like giving a child a cookie to shut 'em up out of a screaming tantrum. Doesn't solve the root of the problem, and reinforces the idea that carrying on is the way to get what they want.
You know what, you can tell me to shut up, if you want. I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir on this one.
{{{{{Laga}}}}} that's what you really need.
Thank-you so much WindSparrow. I may have known what you were saying but I desperately needed to hear it & I think Mom does too.
coffee-
because part of me wondered if all of us being together on Christmas was more important than the decision we made as a family. Thanksgiving felt really broken to me, just me, D, my other sister and two of her kids. The food was fabulous but it didn't feel like the real thanksgiving.
It's good to be reminded by an impartial glowey-box friend that we really are doing what's best for my sister even on the baby Jeebus' birthday.
{{{{Laga}}}} Strength and peace~ma to your whole family, and true healing~ma for your sister.
{{{Laga and family}}} It's a rotten situation all around, and I'm very sorry you have to deal with it at all.
In meme news, I seem to have gotten to 10pm on Sunday night without actually having done any school work. Hm.
Thanksgiving felt really broken to me, just me, D, my other sister and two of her kids. The food was fabulous but it didn't feel like the real thanksgiving.
Because you love your sister, it hurts like hell to be separated from her like this. It doesn't stop hurting, but it does get more accustomed, and so a bit easier, as you get practiced at it. And it's a clean hurt, unlike the pain you have suffered in the past because of the ugly behavior of the men in her life, and because of her tolerating that ugliness. The best thing you can do for your sister is to be as stable as you can yourself.
Feeling any better, Kristin?
I hope you are feeling better ,PK. Word on the street for the cold I have is that it hangs on-- one day you feel better , but it takes a few more days to feel a little more better.
{{Laga}} hope the words of others have helped.
You guys are so helping. Thanks bunches for the gus.
edit: um, heh... hugs even.
