OK. I cannot stop laughing.

I have a book called Single Jewish Female. Subtitle: "A Modern Guide to Sex and Dating." Someone got it for me a while ago, and it's just been sitting on my shelf since then. I just picked it up and started flipping through it. This book is ridiculous.

There's a section on how to tell if a guy is Jewish. (Step 1: find out his last name. If it's something that be either Jewish or not, ask, "Oh, is that German?" If you still can't figure it out, try asking, "What's your favorite holiday?")

There's another section that's pretty much entirely, "Be nice." If a guy hits on you and you're not interested, don't just ignore him or turn away.

Then there's a section on Jewish laws and ethics and attitudes about sex, which is really simplified, but I supposed I can't ask much from a single chapter in a book with the title printed in pink and purple.

And then there's the chapter on dating non-Jews. Some discussion of issues that seem like they might be reasonable things to think about. And then a page and a half that's essentially, "Don't freak out if the gentile you're dating has a foreskin."

This book is insane.

"What's your favorite holiday?"

What does the Fourth of July tell you?

A page and a half on the foreskin? Wow. Does anyone, no matter how used they are to the circumcised, need that much info on it? Couple of paragraphs and a diagram, I can see.

For the rest, maybe a cautionary, "Like other male junk, Gentile or Jewish, watch the teeth, use lube and have a safe word! Shalom!"

Ginger, I'm glad the dyeing went well. I went with a new to me Feria red and it is SUPER bright, and I am ecstatic about it!

Somewhere in my keepsakes is a sheet of notebook paper with two illustrations of penises, one erect and one flaccid captioned "an uncircumcised penis for Liz". In highschool I had told my friend Drew I had no idea what an uncircumcised penis might look like so he took it upon himself to enlighten me. I told him I would treasure it forever and I have.

There may be an up side to being on live chat forever. The CSR now feels very guilty and is going out of her way to try to fix my complicated problem.

I am trying to go from two lines to one line, but the line that rings on all my phones will not connect with DSL and the phone company at some point got my second number listed as my primary number and it's a giant clusterfuck. I expect at some point my access to the internet will get screwed up. Trying to save money is hard work.

augh my sister doesn't want brussels sprouts, yams or rutabagas on Thursday. I'm mashing one rutabaga and bringing it with me anayway.

Em and Joe are watching Toy Story 2 for the millionth time this week. And yet, every time they play that song about Jessie's asshat owner (yes - I judge the cartoon girl. and?), I tear up. And then, I want to go hug all of my stuffed animals and dolls that are at my mother's house. Every single one since I was 2.

A dude just walked by with a pastel dreadlocked mohawk.

A dude just walked by with a pastel dreadlocked mohawk.

vw, glad to hear it's not pneumonia. Take care of yourself there, k?

Just got home from fun field trip. A few of us got to tour the construction site of the new theater being built. Fun. But exhausting. Elevators still not installed. And yes I climbed to the 8th floor. Great view. Right in the heart of downtown. And yes, my legs are arms are exhausted, but so worth it! I snapped a pic of my boss in his new office, but forgot to snap some pics of my office. Duh!

Off to cook some grub.

pictures? probably not.

If I see him again I'll ask him for a snap with my camera phone. I really didn't think there were any unique hairstyles left in the world.