It's a real burden being right so often.

Mal ,'Bushwhacked'


Spike's Bitches 42: Which question do you want me to answer first?  

[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.


Trudy Booth - Sep 19, 2008 5:52:52 am PDT #6022 of 10001
Greece's financial crisis threatens to take down all of Western civilization - a civilization they themselves founded. A rather tragic irony - which is something they also invented. - Jon Stewart

(Opens with a shot of the Holiday Inn hotel. Cut to an activities board that reads: 1:00 Schwartz Bar Mitzvah 4:00 Real Estate Seminar 7:30 Pirate Convention. Growling is heard and dissolves to room decorated with pirate stuff, big skull banner with cross bones. A group of about 10 guys dressed in authentic pirate attire. Eye patches, hats, bandannas, scarfs,wild hair, the whole 9 yards. Red beard Pete has a parrot on his shoulder, he is at the podium)

Red Beard Pete:(gruff voice) Settle down, settle down, settle down. Ahoy! Maties! I welcome ye to the fourth annual pirate convention. I be your moderator Red Beard Pete. We first like to thank the good people of the Milwaukee Holiday Inn for the accommodations. Not out first choice but there was no vacancy at our favorite hotel the Ritz Car-r-r-r-r-r-lton.

All pirates: CAR-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-RLTON!! ARRR-ARRR!!

Red Beard Pete: All right, now I would like to welcome my first mate Dinkins to the stage for roll call.

(Dinkins steps up to the podium)

Dinkins: Roll call. A-r-rthur-r-r-r-r!

Arthur: AHOY!

Dinkins:Bar-r-r-r-r-rtholomew!

Bartholomew: Present and accounted for-r-r-r-r-r-r-r!

Dinkins: Ted!

Ted: Here.

Red Beard Pete: All right, all right we don´t need a roll call. Ok, first order of business. Picking a location for next year´s convention. Any ideas?

Bartholomew: AR-R-R-R-R-RKANSAS!!

Red Beard Pete: Maybe. Anyone else?

Pirate 1: MADAGASCAR-R-R-R-R-R!

Red Beard Pete: Nice one.

Dinkins: Boston.

Red Beard Pete: Hmmm, Boston? Kind of an odd choice.

Dinkins: Bear with me. We can drive there and when we arrive, we can PARK THE CA-R-R-R IN THE HAR-R-RVAR-R-R-RD YA-R-R-R-R-RD!!!

All pirates: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Red Beard Pete: Boston it is! All right, it be time to bring out our keynote speaker. I think you all will be pleased. Dinkins do the honors.

Dinkins: Aye. Joining us today is film and stage sta-r-r-r, Peter Sarsgaar-r-r-r-r-r-d!

All pirates: SARSGAA-R-R-R-R-R-R-RD!!!

(Actor Peter Sarsgaard walks up to the podium in suit and tie)

Red Beard Pete: Hello, Sarsgaa-r-r-r-r-rd!

Peter Sarsgaard: You can call me Peter.

Red Beard Pete: No, thank you.

Peter Sarsgaard: Ok, well it´s an honor to be here. I don´t know a lot about pirate culture but when my agent told me about this convention I immediately said yes. I´m always up for experiencing new things so I hope to learn as much from you guys as you may from me.

Red Beard Pete: Ok, time for Q/A. Ok, who will be having a question for Sarsgaard?

Dinkins: Yes, yes. Do ye be knowing what the film "The Wedding Crashers" was rated?

Peter Sarsgaard: Not of the top of my head but I think there was some nudity so maybe it was rated "R"?

All pirates: R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R!!!!!

Arthur: You worked with many talented actors over the years. Have ye ever worked with cross dressing Corporal Klinger from "MASH"?

Peter Sarsgaard: You mean Jamie Farr?

All Pirates: FAAAA-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R!!!!

Peter Sarsgaard: No, I´ve never worked with him.

Arthur: Ok.

Bartholomew: What be the name of the best web site to see people make love to barnyard animals?

Peter Sarsgaard: I don´t know. Umm, maybe animalloveclub.com?

Bartholomew: No, not that one. I was thinking loveinthebarnyard.or-r-r-r-r-r-rg!!

All pirates: OO-R-R-R-R-R-RG!!!!

Bartholomew: Arr,(takes out notepad)what be the name of that first one again?

Peter Sarsgaard: It´s animalloveclub.com.

Bartholomew: Animal,(writes on notepad)dot com, thank you.

Pirate 1: What be your favorite food chain that specializes in roast beef sandwiches?

Peter Sarsgaard:(sighs, catching on)Arby´s?

All pirates: A-R-R-R-R-R-RBY´S!!!!

Peter Sarsgaard: Ok, ok, all right I think I see what´s going on here. You guys don´t know anything about me do you? The only reason you have me here is because my name has a bunch of "R" sounds in it.

Red Beard Pete: No way, Sarsgaar-r-r-d!!

Peter Sarsgaard: Really?

Red Beard Pete: We are (continued...)


Trudy Booth - Sep 19, 2008 5:53:00 am PDT #6023 of 10001
Greece's financial crisis threatens to take down all of Western civilization - a civilization they themselves founded. A rather tragic irony - which is something they also invented. - Jon Stewart

( continues...) big fans of what you do.

Peter Sarsgaard: Ok, name one thing I´ve done.(Low murmuring among pirates)See? I knew it!

Red Beard Pete: Well, umm...why don´t you name some stuff you´ve done?

Peter Sarsgaard: Ok, how about "Jarhead"?

All pirates: JA-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-RHEAD!!!!

Peter Sarsgaard: Yeah, yeah ummm, "Garden State"?

All pirates: GA-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-RDEN STATE!!!

Peter Sarsgaard: "Boys don´t Cry"?

All pirates: Ummm,(very little enthusiasm)

Red Beard Pete: Sarsgaard, we be owing ye an apology. The only reason we brought you here is because you´re Sarsgaard. Oh, and now is time for our musical number. Provided by your truly and Dinkins.

(Red Beard Pete and Dinkins recite along with the other pirates)

Everybody: A,B,C,D,E,F,G(Peter Sarsgaard joins in)H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Pirates begin to smash bottles and glasses against the wall)


amych - Sep 19, 2008 5:54:01 am PDT #6024 of 10001
Now let us crush something soft and watch it fountain blood. That is a girlish thing to want to do, yes?

(Hugs amych. Just 'cause.)

Ooh, yay! Hugs!


Cashmere - Sep 19, 2008 5:58:44 am PDT #6025 of 10001
Now tagless for your comfort.

Trudy, that be a thing o'beauty.

My Welsh ancestry dictates tossing in extra consonants whether they be warranted or no.


Beverly - Sep 19, 2008 6:58:24 am PDT #6026 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.

I salute your mastery of spelling in spite of your Welsh ancestery, Cash!

Trudy, Harrrr! But, but, you forgot to have the pirates remember that Sarrrsgaarrrrd was Bootstrap Bill! Surely that counts in pirate points!


EpicTangent - Sep 19, 2008 7:06:26 am PDT #6027 of 10001
Why isn't everyone pelting me with JOY, dammit? - Zenkitty

Ahoy, Mateys!

That's it. I meant to meara, but alas no. Is too much, let me sum up.

{{Bitches}}

Oh wait, I do remember one thing I meant to say to vw - as the Pirate on my t-shirt proudly proclaims:

"When life gives you scurvy, make lemonade!"

Or orange juice or limeaid - just don't neglect your citrus!


Vortex - Sep 19, 2008 7:10:02 am PDT #6028 of 10001
"Cry havoc and let slip the boobs of war!" -- Miracleman

Interesting article on the exhibit at FIT - Gothic: Dark Glamour by Robin Givhan She offers one of the best descriptions of Goth that I've seen in the mainstream (not that I'm any expert, but it seems like she's expressed the genre in a way that that masses will understand):

In the hands of fashion designers, those ideas inform garments that reflect the beauty in decay, the unsettling passion of death and the subversive interest in the macabre


Frankenbuddha - Sep 19, 2008 7:10:25 am PDT #6029 of 10001
"We are the Goon Squad and we're coming to town...Beep! Beep!" - David Bowie, "Fashion"

So I got my first oil bill of the season. 163 gallons (the tank was down below a quarter full from last winter). $570 dollars. Ouch. The sticker shock - it bites!


Trudy Booth - Sep 19, 2008 7:12:32 am PDT #6030 of 10001
Greece's financial crisis threatens to take down all of Western civilization - a civilization they themselves founded. A rather tragic irony - which is something they also invented. - Jon Stewart

Trudy, Harrrr! But, but, you forgot to have the pirates remember that Sarrrsgaarrrrd was Bootstrap Bill! Surely that counts in pirate points!

Hah! That was from SNL. It's one of the funnier things in a long time.


Gudanov - Sep 19, 2008 7:12:58 am PDT #6031 of 10001
Coding and Sleeping

How long does that 163 gallons last?