Oh, Barb. I have to choose to believe that your mother's subtext to this:

"You'll see, as your children get older,"

is that you love your kids so much that anything like giving up on them is near impossible, even if you want a miracle.

However, the recipient of the therapy, drug or talky-meat, sounds like it should be her.

I'm sorely tempted to dare you to write it up as a story, as your mother suggested, and then see if your mother even recognizes it as her story.

((Barb))

Perkins, why do I keep helping in the effort to make more lawyers when they go out into the world and do dumb things? I boggle.

Uggh, Barb. I'm so sorry, both about your brother and your mother's inability to face the situation. Mental illness is tough enough without denial.

We haven't even gone back to work and they are already making me crazy!!! The e-mail just went out that all microwaves, refrigerators, coffee makers and desk lamps owned by teachers must be removed by August 18. How are they expecting teachers to survive getting to work at 7 and then teach all day, with 20 min for lunch, without coffee or the ability to eat in our rooms?

The teacher association here is ridiculously weak and has just rolled over. The county isn't 'really' violating any contract issues.

Oh Barb. {{{Barb}}}

OK, I'm awake, and feeling a bit better this morning. I have an actual plan for today: read an article I printed out yesterday, and then work on a proof in my dissertation that's related to that article. This seems to be a better plan than "work on dissertation," which is the sort of plan that leads to me staring at a blank piece of paper, trying to figure out what to do.

Now I need to get dressed and figure out what to get for lunch. I'm thinking tacos. Also, need to call four different doctors -- one to reschedule an appointment I missed last week, one to find out if blood test results are in, and two to make appointments. (One of them is the eye doctor. Things seem to keep getting blurrier, and I don't like it.)

This is the place for bitching about technical incompetence at work, right?

Oh, my god, motherfuckers, if you ask me to reformat a document, make sure you send the RIGHT VERSION out for approval! Otherwise we get comments that make no sense, and I end up wondering if I'm insane.

(((Hil)))

sj, I'd be tempted to announce "there are no plans, now, or ever. If the sitrep changes you'll be informed," and leave it at that. You can invite people to a cookout or something afterward, and make the announcement there, and send out handwritten notes after that.

Had a lovely birthday. The DH was so excited--bought me a pearl bracelet--something like this: [link] Schmancy! The guy is so adorable--when he does buy me "grown-up" jewelry (once every few years) he only ever buys me pearls and only at Macy's. Anything else makes him nervous. He got it for 50% off, so it is fancy but not, you know, insane. He proudly pointed out that the teeny spacer beads were gold "all the way through."

OK, I'm awake, and feeling a bit better this morning. I have an actual plan for today: read an article I printed out yesterday, and then work on a proof in my dissertation that's related to that article. This seems to be a better plan than "work on dissertation," which is the sort of plan that leads to me staring at a blank piece of paper, trying to figure out what to do.

Hil, that sounds like a good plan. I remember it was very easy to get overwhelmed by the whole “I have to produce a 400-page document based on original research and arguments—How the hell am I going to do that?”. I was never good at scheduling out the whole thing months in advance. It was only when I started thinking “what do I want to accomplish this week (or even just today)?” that I got things accomplished.

My doctor put me back on antidepressants today. I've been off them for a dew years now, but I've just not been able to handle things well at all this year. He also gave me anxiety meds to use when I'm having an anxiety attack.

(((Aimee)))

(((Barb)))

(((Hil)))

You on the Ativan, sj? It really works wonders on Tom. The only thing is getting him to take it- sometimes my recognition of his oncoming anxiety occurs earlier than his, and it's something really to head off at the pass instead of trying to ride out.

My shrink prescribed a low dose of Zoloft (in addition to my high dose of Wellbutrin) for me to take daily that seems to help with anxiety. Perhaps too much- I'm very blah these days.

Zoloft has definitely tamped down my desire for Teh Sex- but I'm working real hard on overcoming that. Physically, once everything gets going, it's fine, but the thought just doesn't occur to me most days.