In my marriage, I am less concerned with absolute equity and more concerned that we got each other's back, that we're there for each other and the kids.

So did they tally bill paying and bookkeeping into housework? I'm assuming they did.

totally lame Kat and a cop out on the lead teacher and administration. I've had bosses like that, expect you to fix quickly something they have neglected for long stretches.

a color coded spreadsheet does sound crazy, but if either partner is a "keep track in my head" type, it is probably best. I am making a picture chart of tasks for mac at the suggestion of the therapist. They are not really chores, but I think he sees them as such. Ideally he will be able to start helping with household chores in the next year or so.

So did they tally bill paying and bookkeeping into housework? I'm assuming they did.

I think so.

a color coded spreadsheet does sound crazy, but if either partner is a "keep track in my head" type, it is probably best.

I'm not a keep track in my head person. But I am a love data person and I think it would be fascinating to have access to that data to see if my gut instinct is way off base.

I am making a picture chart of tasks for mac at the suggestion of the therapist. They are not really chores, but I think he sees them as such.

What kinds of tasks?

But what if you volunteer and find out that you're "is" or "of"?

What if the book is written in an ugly font?!!? (Whoah, you get to CHOOSE the font? That's just crazy talk!). But still. I, too, would feel out of context)

The beginning of the primary race was so friendly and supportive and happy-making! Which is why it was SO disappointing when it turned ugly. Because it didn't have to be that way

Exactly. In my ideal world, the primary is about a race to find the best person, but it's in pursuit of a higher goal--to represent the ideals of the Democratic party, and know that whichever of you wins the primary, you want ONE of you out there, running in November, trying to represent, etc etc. And that yes, you may have different messages, but that doesn't mean you can't have civilized debate and stand for some of the same things too. Etc, etc. I know that's all idealized and unlikely, but...Hell, I'd love to see even a little bit of that in the GENERAL election!!

I feel like chores in our house were very unequal growing up, but that was a lot due to the fact that my mom stayed home. So of course they were. And, my sister and I were older than my brother. So when we were old enough to do various chores, he was still too young. And by the time he was old enough to do some things, I was headed off to college...so there came a time, I'm sure, when he was doing ALL the dishes, and stuff...but then again, there were fewer dishes, by that point, because there were only him and mom and dad, and not five of us, anymore!!

But what if you volunteer and find out that you're "is" or "of"?

What if the book is written in an ugly font?!!? (Whoah, you get to CHOOSE the font? That's just crazy talk!)

The font choices are limited, though. No weirdass Braggadocio or anything.

morning: get self dressed for school (including shoes), put breakfast dishes in sink, get school bag ready, brush teeth, put pajamas in bathroom or on bed

night: feed cats, put dinner dishes in sink, bath, brush teeth, pick up some toys from livingroom

One of the families in an article keeps a color coded spreadsheet. First reaction: whoa way to keep score! That must cause conflicts. But then my second reaction was, "I wonder if we did that, if it really would look equitable through whatever lens we choose."

I once found a notebook my dad kept when my parents were having Trouble when I was little, and it was impressive -- you couldn't read it and not see how he was my primary caregiver. Which I'm pretty sure was the issue at hand. But reading it was kind of depressing. 6:45 make J breakfast, 7:00 feed J breakfast, 7:15 dress J, etc. etc.

w/r/t balance of chores: I'm always the one who vacuums, and whenever it starts to make me resentful, I remind myself that The Boy always takes care of dog poo removal from the backyard as well as always cleans the litter boxes (that one I had to just tell him I can't help with; between the cat hair and the dust generated by litter, my lungs would collapse, and that's no joke).

So really, that strikes an equitable balance, IMO.

I didn't really have chores. But no one in my family really cleaned or did much housework. I mean, my grandma cooked and my grandpa did the dishes and everyone picked up after themselves and did their own laundry, and my mom vacuumed and I dusted sometimes. My mom and I grocery shopped with my grandma's list. Later, I did it alone. We had three lawnmowers and my grandma, grandpa and either my mom or my uncle all mowed. Whoever took the dog out picked up the poop. I set the table. We had in my childhood, lots and lots of time to just read and play games.

This may be because I was one child and there were four adults in the household. But I feel like there wasn't even 15 hours worth of work in one week for one person, let alone all of us. This is the only reason I hate living alone. It is easier to clean up after yourself if you are disturbing others by being messy, and although it is probably the same amount of work, I hate doing some chores, like washing dishes.

I'm so godawful in the mornings that usually Mr. Sox does breakfast. No one wants me to make coffee before I've had any.

I do bills, budgeting, and bathrooms. None of which I like.