Yeah, that storm cell over Wisconsin is HUGE. The one heading to the southside isn't nearly as big.

It's hard to deal with the fact that I'm not what my dad wanted.(Even accepting that, socially, he's about an inch from autism and it's not really my fault he's a misogynist.) But I'm already a minority, you know? Everywhere I go that's not the doctor or the benefits office, it's like "Miss, are you sure you mean to be *here*?" I wish my family could be the one place that wasn't true.

I am so sorry that your father is such an asshat to you. Also, strangers really need to learn to mind their own business.

I know I am extremely lucky that my mother never made me feel that my disability made me different from anyone in any way, but unfortunately I stopped believing her when I started school.

I love you guys so much. I'm really proud of us.

And yes, I belief Teppy is right. You can't live a life free of demons, any more than you can live a life free of fear. But you can learn to deal with it.

The current thread title strikes me as very appropriate today.

erika, I'm sorry that your father can't see how awesome you are. There are days I want to fly out there and shake the shit out of him.

Sorry,erika - you're right,you should have a place in the family

but unfortunately I stopped believing her when I started school.

Sigh. Kids suck. Sadly, sometimes teachers and administrators can suck too. (Not to say anything against the buffista teachers here, but...ay).

Finally sent out my invite to have people come watch So You Think You Can Dance. I hope peopel come over, that'd be fun. And the girl I went on the date with, from the internet, on Wednesday, emailed me (and texted me!) from Vegas (!), so clearly she enjoyed it much as I did. So that's good. Though I'm not sure I want to get in her pants, I definitely got an awesome friend vibe, at least. (Pants is still possible, not yet ruled out, though not super likely)

There are days when I want to let you do it, Anne. Or give him to ita as a practice dummy. Luckily, my mom makes up for it a lot.

since I know you're not a hugger

er. sorry about that. I couldn't put what I wanted to say into words very well. Though I sure am glad a lot of other people here can. And do.

still very hot here. especially with the AC deciding not to work about 2 hours after we turned it on for the first time this season.

I kept trying to defend myself with the fact that clearly, the most awesome person in the room was Lori, and clearly, she was with me. Suckas.

Water seeks its own level.

Totally valid defence. There have been times in my life when the way I fought off the Demons of Worthlessness were by shielding myself with thoughts of my friends, birds of a feather, and all that. I have been blessed with some superlatively amazing people as friends. Not just one or two who have made me a charity case out of the kindness of their hearts, but these people genuinely value me, and the contributions I make to their lives. Water seeks its own level - this statement is a truth, a mantra for me. It's true in so many ways. And one of the ways it is true, is that these amazing - lovely, passionate, compassionate, witty, brilliant, creative, amazing - people hang around me because there is something amazing about me. In the darkness, I can't see it or feel it, can't detect it myself, can't really believe it. But I can choose to think it is possible. I can choose to think maybe the amazing is there even if I can't detect it for myself. Some days, all I can do is force myself to admit that it's wrong to call these amazing people liars, or stupid, or crazy, for wanting to associate with me. No, I know they are wise, and in their right minds. So there must be something there. And this is a tiny glimmer of hope.

Water seeks its own level, Allyson. So yeah, you are with Lori, and the other amazing people in your life. And that is your true level.

There are a LOT of days when I still don't know how to deal with someone who treats me well, who treats me like I -- like we ALL -- deserve to be treated. Part of me is always vigilant, waiting for the other shoe to drop...

Recovery takes a whole lifetime. We do not have to be ruled by our kneejerk reactions, but it does not mean they will ever be completely eradicated. The automatic assessment of every man in my vacinity for their potential for violence is never going to stop running. And I can't stop myself from cringing momentarily when there is yelling. But I can stop myself from squeezing into closets or under furniture (well, ok, sometimes the furniture would stop me, even if I didn't).

We are all messed up. Still, I'm glad we can be messed up together.