Gah. I have to run off to the Deco Fair in a few minutes, but I just want to stay here and alternately hug and cluestick everyone. You are all astonishing, wonderful, creative, whip-smart, big-hearted, fiercely loyal and graceful and delicious persons, and that includes physically. Not everyone here lines up perfectly with Western beauty standards, but holy fuck, y'all are beautiful anyway.
(Digression: Not to mention that NOBODY lines up perfectly with Western beauty standards; when you've got drop-dead gorgeous movie stars struggling with anorexia and bulimia and an ad world that can insist that fucking Clive Owen be Photoshopped because he isn't good enough as is, you have one seriously fucked-up set of beauty standards that clearly no flesh-and-blood human can possibly meet, and which none of us should set our self-worth by. Ever.)
The guy I was hung up on before Hec? Looked deep into my eyes and said, "You're beautiful and smart and funny and interesting and we share a faith and a set of values that mean more to me than anything, and I know objectively that The Chick Over There is very average-looking and backstabby and has broken the hearts of half the men I know, but I feel really drawn to her. When she smashes me to pieces and I've pulled myself back together, I know you're exactly the kind of person I will want to marry, and if I come knocking on your door I'll have a ring in my pocket. But for now, I feel compelled. I must pursue Ugly Backstabby Heartbreaker. Goodbye."
It's not fair. It's not sane. It has absolutely nothing to do with what you look like or who you are or any damn thing but...I don't even know what. Random chemical things going on in the mind and body of the person you desire, over which you have no control. It's not a judgment by the universe on your worth. It's utterly fucking random, and it sucks that there's so much joy and pain and misery and public judgment tied to something so random. But, dammit, there isn't a person here who isn't richly worthy of the good side of all of it, and I don't know why it hasn't already happened for everyone here, except that it doesn't have a damn thing to do with the intrinsic worth or attractiveness of anyone here. Dammit.
Bah. Must go now. Love everyone here, and make out with all of you. Ferociously.
On a lighter note
Now maybe I'll get out of bed, or should i say off the couch.
Suzi, you will be happy to know that Matilda is rapidly turning onto an A's fan.
We went to an A's game last night and Emmett went to the fun zone and won a prize. It was a hand puppet of the A's elephant mascot, Stomper. Matilda immediately claimed it as her own and called it her baby. (Amych will be interested to know that Matilda has also claimed my Wonder Woman action figure as her baby.)
Also she woke up this morning and wanted to put on the A's jacket you gave her (K-Bug's old jacket). She's wearing it right now.
And in the final note of my Matilda Report: Cognitive Breakthrough!
We were walking to the corner cafe this morning and she saw a motorscooter and identified as she usually does: "Zum!"
But then she saw two motorscooters parked together and got excited and said: "Zum! One! Two!"
20 months seems pretty young for counting. Clearly a genius.
Aw, Hec, that's so awesome!
Also she woke up this morning and wanted to put on the A's jacket you gave her (K-Bug's old jacket).
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! You have melted me. Pictures?
Pictures?
Actually she wore it to the game last night and somebody from the Oakland Tribune took pictures of her wearing it. I should check their website.
Clearly a genius.
Considers parents. Yep.
What a bunch of people said about the single state of so many here. I could do a whole bunch of copy and paste stuff, but
If I had one piece of advice it would be to treat yourself and talk to yourself as you would treat or talk to your closest friends. If you had a friend that followed you around all day and randomly talked shit about you TO YOUR FACE, how long would you keep them around? And yet, you're with you twenty-four hours a day. Stop treating yourself like shit. That's my advice. FWIW.
So true.
There are so many men and women here, and in the rest of my life, that are seriously high quality humans. And yet they have not partnered with other high quality humans. Some of my friends just don't ever seem to connect with anyone, others make horribly unworthy choices. I just don't understand.
Seriously, I don't understand. I have been in some type of relationship for over 40 years. It may have been my expectation. My parents and all the parents I knew as a kid were married. My two older sisters started dating early and I had a boyfriend by the time I was 12. I moved in with DH#1 before I turned 18. Life circumstances made it 3 marriages, but I have pretty much been married for 35 years.
I have always been extremely independent and the spouse types were too. This works better than needy relationships in my experience.
When I look at my single loved ones (here and IRL) I can honestly say that they are smarter, funnier, more attractive, and more often grammatically correct than I am. The only reason I can come up with is expectation. And that would be subconscious expectation because I was completely convinced that I would never ever under any circumstances or conditions fall in love again after DH#2 died. 4 months later I had my first date with DH#3, that was over 20 years ago.
If I could bottle my relationship ~ma and send it to all of you I would. Because I
know
I am no more worthy than you are.
ION, I had to go and get some x-rays of my son's elbow this morning. Best guess is that he dislocated and it popped back. Of course he did this about 10pm last night. Never M-F 9-5 for these things. I called one of my customers that I knew was open on Saturday and they did the x-ray, but they didn't have a radiologist to look at it. The tech looked at it with me and we agreed that nothing was cracked or out of place. I have it on CD and have uploaded it to another customer that is a radiologist, but he can't look at it until he gets off rounds. He will want to do an MRI to look for soft tissue or nerve type damage, but I think we can wait until Monday because he can move stuff and can feel everywhere now. Kids! Also, bless all my beloved free health care providers. And yes, they do call my cell phone when they want my help too.
