I don't know. I've never written slash in my life, and I'm not sure these two are where I'd want to start--partly because I just don't want to write anything sexy for the antagonist.
The problem is definitely me, not them. Mostly. I mean, there's a structural issue in that it's hard to go straight to alpha wolves circling and snarling when at this point in the story the antagonist holds all the power. But I think I'm afraid of the scene--afraid I'll screw it up, afraid I'll never be able to make it anywhere near as cool as it is in my head. The archetypes are a lot closer to the surface here than they normally are in my stories, so I need to figure out how to work with that instead of against it.
Yeah, that is why I was suggesting something to shock y out of the pattern to make you take them less seriously. If slash is wrong for you then how about a snark fest. Have them break character and make fun of each others weakness, even the ones they could not know about. Or invent rediculous childhood incidents they could tell about each other. Again the object is not to produce a good scene, but to get you laughing at the characters and taking them less seriously. Do something frivolous with them, then throw it away or hide in a drawer and write the scene you want to write.
Okay, I came in here to ask for a synonym to "chronologically", some word that starts with an 'S', at least I think it does, and google is no help, but then I read the thread and saw the (theme is it?) so I scribbled something out. Hope it's not intruding:
Dark
I'm awake. At least I think I am. My eyes are open but it's still black. Let me shut them. Same. Open. Black. Close. Black. Open. Black.
This is so weird. Where's my alarm clock? Must be a power out or something. I can't remember the last time I've seen dark like this. Seen dark - cool. Let me go check the fuseb---why's my arm not moving. Why can't I move my arms? Hands? FinGERS -- OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD -- breath breath breath Shhhhhhhh
Okay, I must be dreaming. Dreaming that I'm paralyzed or something. Okay, come on wake up. WAKE UP. WAKE...What the hell's that sound?
It sounds like a tiny scream. Or a car. Yeah, a very far away car. No, not that far, like it's going up a hill. No, it's not a car. It's near. Sounds so familiar. What is it? It stopped.
Dammit, I know I've heard that sound before. Well it seems I can hear. Hah. Now it's quiet. Wait, there it is again. I know it now. It's on the tip of my tongue. Tongue, teeth, that's it! It's a...drill? Sounds like it, only why's it in my bedroom? Oh no. I hear movement. Is that panting? WHO THE FUCK'S IN MY ROOM???? OH SHIT, THAT IS A DRILL. OR A CHAINSAW. OH FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. ARE MY ARMS GONE! MY LEGS! OH JESUSCHRISTJESUSCHRISTJESUSCHRIST THAT SOUND GETTING LOUDER AND CLOSER UGHHH THAT STENCH ON ME DEARGOD ITS ON ME ITS ON ME WHAT IS IT ITS ON ME ITS TOUCHING MY GET IT OFF GET OFF GET.....
Not intrusive at all! It's what we're here for; the more, the merrier.
Wolfram, that is seriously creepy and probably everyone's worst nightmare. Ugh.
Um. Wow, Wolfram, you do know how to make an entrance. Welcome. Especially if you're going to bring the adrenaline like that.
I...don't know what word you're searching for, though. Sequential, maybe? Just a wild guess. Webster's Thesaurus doesn't know, either.
Wow, Wolfram! You sure know how to bring the horror...
I think I'm ready to tackle my antagonist and protagonist again. On the bus this morning, I did a version of what TB suggests. I imagined them meeting as boys and being friends. I plotted out the next time they'll meet in my world. And then I thought about this scene, and did what I almost never do consciously--asked the characters what their motivation was at this point in the story.
Now I just need to try to write it again. I think I need to find a way to use a little more of my work breaks for writing and less for surfing the internet, because this whole "writing only after Annabel is asleep" is working against a lifetime of habit and the fact that my energy levels peak from early afternoon to evening, NOT late at night.
It's not sequential, although that's a good word too. (Oddly, thesaurus.com does not consider sequential and chronological to be synonymous.) It's one of these words that almost doesn't seem English. Maybe it's Latin? When I rack my brain, the words that keep popping up are sartorially and tertiary so I think that word I'm looking for might be consonantly similar.
Looking back at my piece, I think I rushed the denouement a bit so it ended cheesily. But still good for a (creepy and awkward) chuckle.
Well, now that you've brought it up, if/when you find it, come back and tell us. Me at least, 'cause I'll be picking at it all day.
I was about to say "serial". That's the only other "s" synonym for chronologically I can find. The other being sequential.
