It's really a wreck of random tangents. Overwrought. I need to dial it back. I can't get over the whole, "DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW?" aspect of it. I found his whole schtick to be so disrespectful of my workplace, and I spend far too much time in the piece raking him over the coals in such a blunt force way when what I really need is a scalpel and a steady hand.
I sound more like a cult member defending Dear Leader than I really want or mean. It's sloppy. And it's because I'm losing the humor/irony of having this Tony Robbins-like The Secret hawking snake oil salesman being paid to inspire people working at a science institution. Instead I'm just disturbed.
If you want suggestions about what's worth keeping -- or just fresh eyes -- you know where I am.
Yeah, Allyson, I'll beta. Not for science (dur) but clarity. How long is the piece?
I don't think I make a very good beta reader, because I have to fight back my need to change things. I am, however, a good proofreader, fact checker and sentence fixer, and good at shortening other people's copy. My own, not so much. I'd be glad to look at essay(s) at the point they need that, Allyson.
Speaking of my own writing, I use "wide variety" way too often. I've written a wide variety of articles on a wide variety of subjects for a wide variety of readers. Any suggestions?
Diverse, eclectic, broad spectrum of, heterogeneous
Amy, I really love idea #2. I think it would appeal to a teenager's overdramatic sense of isolation and rejection. Then out of that, finding that one special person to be friends with, only to find out the friend is even more isolated and subject to probable rejection, even danger because of their differences from "the norm". I think there's a huge opportunity for exploring a first real relationship--from either side, if you wanted selkie POV.
#3 is so very, very intriguing though. I really want to read that trilogy.
broad array, wide array, an array, different, many different, billions and billions (Oh, hi, Carl!), a number of different, a whole lotta (no?), wide ranging, wide range of, multiple, many types of, different types of, myriad (what? I like that word), and, finally, many different and wide ranging multiple arrays of types.
It only feels like billions and billions.
Scampering in late, but Amy, PLEASE write #3. I want to read it right now.
makes grabby hands
