wrod. That's exactly it. I'm proud of my publications, but just listing my markets seems both dry and like I'm asking the hypothetical readers to suck it.(And my editor is all too fricking willing to believe I'm some mysterious Chandler blonde, but to write a bio like that...eh, it feels pretentious.) And as a reader, I sort of hate getting to the end of an article, wanting to find out something about the author and getting:

Raised by wolves in suburban Tacoma, Dave didn't really feel the urge to create until he was bitten by that radioactive tequila worm in Mexicali.

On one hand, I get it...the bio statement is kind of a construct so you create this Origin myth, hoping that only people that are in on it read it.

I'm just not sure if that makes them more clever than I am, or that dick at a party who stands in the corner saying "Don't you hate these things?" all night.

Maybe you could do something in between. Something along the lines of : "Chandleresque blonde miracle baby with a noir outlook shaped by the mean street life of the Arizona suburbs." Snarky, yet a close reading yields real biographical info to a reader who knows nothing about you.

Journalist, writer and wit extraordinaire, Erika is a Chandleresque blonde whose worldview was shaped by the mean fictional streets of Baltimore. As a resident of Phoenix, she also works to stem the tide of insanity in Arizona politics.

Good suggestions, people, thanks.

I need to do the same thing for my !@#$ business website. I feel like writing "Ginger has made a living writing and editing words in a row for 30 years. If she was bad at it, she'd be a Walmart greeter by now."

No shit. Nobody reads them all that often, either.

I hate writing bios. Mine are always completely lame. I usually wind up listing dumb jobs I've had, like a million other people.

We should probably all write each other's bio.

No Ginger should write everyone's bio. And we can all collaborate to writer hers.

Writing bios suck. My sympathies, erika.