I finished by Chapter 5 and Chapter 26 mash up. I'm no to chapter 5 which is a Chapter 4 and Chapter 7 mash up with a bit of new stuff in the middle. Then it's small changes for the next few chapters. There's only three significant plot changes I'm making and this part is the first one.

From the feedback I'm getting I think the story is sound, but the words need work. I sometimes wonder if I can ever get it to sound the way I'd like.

I expressed my doubt on my blog and my wife when through and mostly just took out words in the beginning she didn't think needed to be there and sent it to me. I hacked out some more. It made me feel better since this bit of quick editing consisting mostly of hitting the delete button smoothed things out quite a bit to my ear.

Original (528) Words

Demons. Aimee didn’t fight demons. For that matter, she didn’t fight anything. Her job entailed creating devices at her workbench. Yet here she was, heart thudding and sweat dripping off the tip of her nose. Why didn’t I have the sense to stay behind as the Captain ordered? Why did I think I needed to prove myself and my new invention?

Time to be brave and do my duty. She took a deep breath and peeled herself away from the false security of the wall next to her. At the other end of the manor hall, she could see a body laying across the threshold of an open door. Blood still dripped from the torn chest, spreading a pool around the corpse and oozing down the grooves of the tiled floor. The blank eyes belonged to Gaston, a fellow Guard member. Aimee had never liked him much, but that seemed so unimportant now. She couldn’t believe she’d never hear another one of his self-aggrandizing stories. No sign existed of the town militiamen who bravely ran into the manor with Gaston.

An odor hammered her senses, something between the scent of a wet dog and rotting flesh that raised bile into her throat and threatened to make her retch. She forced herself to breathe through her mouth to lessen the effect. From the opening behind Gaston she heard wet crunching noises punctuated by a sort of snuffling; the sounds of whatever killed Gaston and probably the militiamen as well.

Aimee stood frozen, struggling to gather her courage. Act as if, her mother always told her. Act as though she wasn’t terrified and maybe she'd find herself less afraid. Maybe.

Footsteps echoed on the tile behind her, making her jump and nearly drop her self-named incinerator. She whipped around, gripping her invention like a vice, and almost incinerated a knight of the Order. The device looked like nothing more than a foot long copper tube attached to a wooden handle, but it packed more energy than anything Aimee ever made before. The knight would never know how close a call he just had. “Get out of here. This is a matter for the Order,” he commanded as he ran past, never taking his eyes from the doorway ahead.

This idiot might get us both killed. As if triggered by her thought, she heard a growl that made the glow lamps in the hallway rattle. A second later, the beast burst out of the doorway, bounding over Gaston's body and slipping on the pool of blood as it turned the corner. The horror resembled a huge mange-afflicted hound with bloody fangs the size of daggers and a hide covered with hair and bony plates. With terrifying quickness, it charged toward them.

Aimee brought up her weapon, she'd have only one chance.

The knight knocked her to the side as he charged the creature. The monster lunged at him, fangs bared. He raised his shield but the force slammed him into a wall. Wooden lath splintered and plaster poured down. The knight did not get back to his feet. Through the fog of plaster dust, the beast turned its gaze upon her.

Hacked version (410 words)

Demons. Aimee didn’t fight demons; she Crafted magical devices at her workbench. Yet here she was, heart thudding and sweat dripping off the tip of her nose. Why didn’t I obey the Captain? What was I trying to prove?

Too late to regret it now. She took a deep breath and peeled herself away from the wall. At the end of the manor hall, she saw a body lying in the threshold of an open door. Blood had pooled around the corpse and oozed down the grooves of the tiled floor. It was Gaston, a fellow Guard member. Aimee had never liked him much, but that seemed so unimportant now. No sign of the courageous town militiamen who had run into the manor with him.

An odor hammered her senses, something between the scent of a wet dog and rotting flesh that threatened to make her retch. She forced herself to breathe through her mouth. From the opening ahead she heard wet, crunching noises punctuated by a sort of snuffling.

Aimee stood frozen, struggling to gather her courage. Act as if, her mother always told her. Act as though she wasn’t terrified and maybe she'd find herself less afraid. Maybe. Footsteps echoed on the tile behind Aimee, startling her; she nearly dropped her self-named incinerator. She whipped around and almost roasted a knight of the Order. Her device looked like nothing more than a foot long copper tube with a wooden handle, but it packed more energy than anything Aimee had ever made. The knight would never know how close a call he’d had.

“Get out of here. This is a matter for the Order,” he commanded as he ran past, never taking his eyes from the doorway ahead.

This idiot might get us both killed. As if triggered by her thought, she heard a growl that rattled the hallway’s glow lamps. A demon exploded out of the doorway, bounding over Gaston's body and slipping on the pool of blood. It resembled a huge mange-afflicted hound with dagger-sized bloody fangs and a hide of bony plates with fur peeking through, like grass growing in the cracks of a brick path.

Aimee readied her weapon; she'd have only one chance.

The knight knocked her to the side as he charged. The demon lunged at him, fangs bared, slamming him into a wall. Wooden lath splintered and plaster poured down. Through the fog of dust, the beast turned its gaze to her.

Some progress on 5, but not tons. There's a bit of new stuff to , hopefully, bring the setting a bit more alive and I need to bridge the gap where I'm making a good cut.

All-in-all I should end up cutting about 4,000 words from the opening part. That leaves me with around 26,000 words to go. That might be doable. I got about 20% out of that first 500 words or so and it didn't seem that bloated on my first read. If I can get 15% from the rest combined with my cuts, I can manage to hit my target.

Is it weird that I'm actually quite looking forward to editing? I'm getting tired of making changes and want to go through and make things read better. I would swap the two, but I don't want to edit stuff I'm going to cut right afterwards.

Gud, I'm so pressed trying to finish my book I'm only skimming, but I think the one thing I would say is, don't think so much about the numbers. Make sure you have the stories and the language the way you want it.

Also, do give yourself some breathing room. You keep turning it around, once you're down with one phase, and heading right into the next, and I'm not sure you can have much objectivity that way. I know I don't, but if I let something sit for a few weeks and then go back to it, I can read and make decisions with a much fresher eye.

In my job - the one they actually pay me for - I'm turning out to do a lot more writing. I've been doing a little "member news" item for our monthly magazine for the past few years, but now I have an article (two or three pages) in each issue. I'm actually enjoying it. And I'm now our more-or-less-official copyeditor, which makes me VERY happy. No more gnashing my teeth over errors and inconsistencies.

Also, do give yourself some breathing room. You keep turning it around, once you're down with one phase, and heading right into the next, and I'm not sure you can have much objectivity that way. I know I don't, but if I let something sit for a few weeks and then go back to it, I can read and make decisions with a much fresher eye.

That makes sense, but I'm obsessive.

I know everyone is waiting as breathless as a rock for my writing update, but I had to work late last night so no progress.

A bit of progress this weekend, but it was busy, so not a lot. I'm thinking about giving beta exchange person 2 a break, it's the same points over and over again (too much telling, reads like an outline instead of a story, not enough description of setting and positioning of characters) so I'm starting to feel like I'm wasting her time. Anyhow, it's helped me look for certain things. My wife has some starkly different opinions and dings me for different things. Then there's other feedback as well. Synthesizing feedback will be interesting.

I'm going to be cutting and smoothing for awhile once I've got this first cut and change finished. I need to know what my word count will be to decide which ideas to use for the other couple of cuts I want to do.