Hmmm....

Here's how I think my first few sentences will go in my revision of Chapter 1. (This is just off the top of my head).

Demons. Aimee didn't fight demons. For that matter, she didn't fight anything. She spent her days sitting at a workbench, putting together the next gadget she was assigned to make. Yet here she was, heart thudding painfully in her chest and sweat starting to drip off the tip of her nose. On the other side of the wall, she could hear the heavy footsteps of whatever had killed at least a half dozen soldiers.

Here's what she showed me...

Aimee stared thoughtfully at the remains of the three demons. When she was ordered on this mission, she assumed it would be routine demon-demolition, a routine as destroying demons could be, at any rate. One demon would be routine. But three? Three was startling. The total devastation of the farmstead was further testimony that whatever had brought the demons here was out of the ordinary. What would draw three demons to one location?

I can see that our approaches will be different. I suppose that won't all bad. If I'm forced to explain why I want to do things a particular way, then I'll have thought it out better than if I just do it. Sort of like a source code review in my actual work.

I can see that our approaches will be different.

Well, I think it's a little more than that. That's two completely different styles/voices.

And what I like about *yours* is that it's very immediate, very personal, really letting the reader into both Aimee's head *and* the action, which is awesome.

I agree with Amy-- yours is more visceral and not as passive. Which I think is an asset for the type of story you're trying to tell.

If someone is asking for a synopsis, do they want to know how the story turns out? Are you supposed to maintain some suspense to make them want to buy your novel for publication so they find out what happens?

A synopsis that's designed to sell a story? Yes. You absolutely want to have the twists, turns, and most assuredly the ending. It's a pet peeve of editors and agents, when writers submit a synopsis without an ending. At the very least, it causes them to doubt your ability to plot a complete story arc.

Are there objections if the twists and turns in the synopsis don't appear in the final project, replaced with hopefully better twists and turns? I'm thinking if an editor falls in love with a particular twist.

Are there objections if the twists and turns in the synopsis don't appear in the final project, replaced with hopefully better twists and turns?

It depends what it is. If you're changing characters or huge plot points wholesale, then that's something you need to address with the editor before going ahead with it, *if* you've sold the book on proposal.

What happens after you write it doesn't generally matter as much. If an editor really loves something that was in the synopsis that didn't make it into the final version, they might ask about-- maybe ask if there's a way you can work it back in. That's what revisions are for.

And what Amy said.

Gud, fwiw, I like your style better for the story you're telling, too.

Is there any sort of discussion board/forum for children's book writers? I would love to check one out. Any recs?