I think the most annoying thing about self evaluations is that the information is NEVER USED for anything. So you struggle to come up with the right amount of humility while patting yourself on the back combined with telling your boss what they want to hear and it ends up filed away by HR and nothing ever comes of it.

My boss also asks me for a personal goal. Last year it was get a cat

Maybe you should put down "Get a bigger cat" for this year's.

My boss also asks me for a personal goal.

Eww. I want my bosses to respect that I have an interesting and worthy life outside of work. But I sure as hell don't want to have to make small talk with them about it on the record.

When I was working at Variable Annuity Company, I was faced with that question during the yearly assessment: "What goal or goals do you have for the next year?"

I don't remember exactly what I said, but my reflexive response was "Whatever it takes to get off the fucking phones and doing something wherein I no longer have to routinely deal with the public. Perhaps I will take your job."

Argh.

I have a stupid co-worker. And I mean STUPID.

We have a contact sheet for vendors. Customer service numbers and the like. It is a Word doc three whole pages long.

First, I have sent this dummy the contact sheet FOUR TIMES. He managed to delete it from his Inbox without saving it three times.

Just now he asked me for a contact # for a vendor. I said "It's on the Vendor Contact Sheet I sent you" heroically not mentioning that I have sent it four times.

"I didn't see it. Maybe I'm blind *nyuk* *nyuk*," he replied, managing to convey with his tone that he thought I was stupid and that the number was not, in fact, on the sheet.

So I pull up my copy of the sheet and, as the list is arranged alphabetically, scrolled down to page three.

"Oh," he says. "I didn't...uh..." and he walks away.

Dumb fuckcake is apparently blind indeed...he did not see the SCROLL BAR on the right-hand side.

Hhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaatttte

My boss also asks me for a personal goal.

See, mine would always be, "Have the manuscript I'm working on right now be part of that tiny handful of debut books that actually excites enough interest among multiple publishers that it sells at auction for big $$$. Because then I'd SO be outta here!"

Even if I like my current job, that's the dream. It just is. I don't expect it to happen, except in the sense that I always think that THIS will be the start where Felix Hernandez gets his no-hitter (no luck last night, but we're going to be there on Sunday, so maybe I'll get to see it in person!), that THIS will be the primary that finally gets us a Democratic nominee (it's never going to end, is it?), etc.

Dumb fuckcake is apparently blind indeed...he did not see the SCROLL BAR on the right-hand side.

I'm confused. How does my boss manage to be in Ohio and Michigan, FUCKING THINGS UP, at the same time???

I had to do a self-assessment for H&M. One of the questions was, "What are your career goals?"

It was hard not to answer, "Dude, I work here part-time for shit money. My career goal is not to work here anymore."

I'm confused. How does my boss manage to be in Ohio and Michigan, FUCKING THINGS UP, at the same time???

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I had to do a self-assessment for H&M. One of the questions was, "What are your career goals?"

"There's plenty of opportunity for you to grow with Hop-In."