Phone: Ahem. *ring*
Me: You know...*I* think that if all the people whose mighty intellect and genius and inspiration went into your creation and development into what you are today, I think if they knew what you were doing...they would shoot themselves in their own faces.
Phone: You know...fuck you, man. I'm the victim here. It's you humans who use me and devices like me for inane shit like LOL speak and midget porn and FuckCakes O' the Day and who gets the grief? Who? *ring*
Me: Me.
Phone: ME, that's who! You're always bitching about what a pain in the ass *I* am, but it's the fuckwit HUMAN on the other end who's your problem, not me! Okay, pal? *ring*
Me: Wow, this is a hot-button issue with you, huh?
Phone: JUST ANSWER ALREADY, YOU SHIT! *ring*
FuckCake O' the Day: Yeah, I'm FuckCake O' the Day and I work at the FuckCakery and I just got a letter from you guys saying I didn't return my Benefit Enrollment paperwork?
Me: Okay.
FCO'tD: Yeah, well, I never got anything like that! All I got is one big envelope from you one time, it had my time card in it and some other stuff.
Me: Do you have that other stuff there with you?
FCO'tD: Yeah.
Me: Can you read the top of the other stuff to me?
FCO'tD: Yeah, it says "Benefit Enrollment and Change Form".
Me: ...
FCO'tD: ...
Me: That's the Benefit Enrollment paperwork we're talking about.
FCO'tD: It is?
Me: Yes. Thus the words "Benefit Enrollment" showing up on both the letter we sent and the paperwork you just read to me.
FCO'tD: Oh.
Me: So fill out that paperwork, send it back to us, and you can have benefits.
FCO'tD: Oh.
Me: Okay, then.
FCO'tD: Say, when will I be eligible for benefits?
MM, can you get your FCO'tDs to call Time Warner? I've had three asshats in a row trying to tell me it's not their fault I can't get to google.com. I think they'd be made for each other.
MM, can you get your FCO'tDs to call Time Warner? I've had three asshats in a row trying to tell me it's not their fault I can't get to google.com. I think they'd be made for each other.
Gimme the number, I'll just forward my phone to it.
I have graded four poetry explications. Sixteen more to go today. Blech.
can you give the grades in a couplet?
I should really go shower. But I don't wanna!
It's your birthday - do whatever you wanna!
She called back! FCO'tD called back! With an even dumber question!
You know how cops are working on that device that shuts down cars so they don't have to chase them? We need that for fuckcakes. And I should control it. Just shut them down.
FCO'tD: I don't want insurance.
Me: Then check no.
FCO'tD: Where?
Me: Where it says "If you elect to NOT have insurance" and then next to that is a box that says "NO I do not want insurance". Check that box.
FCO'tD: Okay, but I DON'T WANT insurance!
Me: (pushes button)
FCO'tD: (gurgles and dies)
Happy birthday GC!
Jilli, have you seen these?
Yep! I will eventually own some of that bat jewelry. Ohyes.
Freaking insomnia fairy. Someone out there must be getting a great night's rest cause they stole MY SLEEP.
Wasn't me! Because when I finally DID fall asleep, I had dreams about not being able to fall asleep. Dear Subconscious, I am not happy with you.
Didn't we drink that at the SF F2F? Jilli & Pete brought some down to indoctrinate us all into the Ravensbrew cult.
Yes, we did. Ravensbrew, yay! Which reminds me to drink the rest of the pot of tea I have next to me, because maybe, just maybe, it will help me wake up.
