There's a place out of San Francisco called Through The Looking Glass, sj, that might be able to point you to some resources. I wanted to write an article on disabled parents once, which tanked, but it was not their fault. They were very helpful. Good luck. Fay, get out of my brain! Well, at least that *piece* of my brain.

Thanks for helping me with this. I'm a mess about it.

oh, honey, we are totally here for you.

I would take this out:

Mom has not been well enough to go the few miles to Jim’s house. She hasn’t been well enough to go the couple miles to Judi’s house. She hasn’t been well enough to go to mass. She hasn’t been well enough to shower and dress. She wasn’t well enough to walk out into the driveway when I left yesterday. How can the two of you possibly believe that she has the strength and energy to ride 1500+ miles to New York?

although it's true, I think objectively that it could be seen as accusatory. I get that you're trying to give concrete examples of why she shouldn't go, but maybe something like:

I've noticed that mom hasn't been going to mass or to Jim or Judi's house or even showering and dressing some days. I was really concerned yesterday when she couldn't walk me out to the driveway. Given that, it doesn't seem like she'd be well enough for a big trip to New York.

Just my .02. Take it or leave it :)

Can I get some pup-ma? my dog seems to have had an accident and is limping a bit again. She's also a drama queen, but I thought she'd be better by now. She seems to be doing most of her things, though.(eating, woofing, following us around)

Things I Hate About Customer Service:

FuckCake O' the Day: Hi this is FCO'tD. Is So and So in?

Me: Let me see if they're available.

(No, they're not.)

Me: Sorry, FCO'tD, So and So is not at their desk. Would you like their voicemail?

FCO'tD: I already left them a message.

Me: ...

FCO'tD: ...

...AND? So, what am I supposed to do about that? So and So is not fucking available, shit-for-brains, the fact that you, in the past, left a message and your call was not returned means a) So and So does not want to speak with you at this moment or thinks you're as important to his day-to-day as sloth snot and/or b) So and So has just not gotten around to you yet. Either way, I have no option c) for you. Hang the fuck up and deal with your shitty life or leave another goddamn message, either way get the fuck off my phone you cocksucker!

Sorry. That never fails to just aggravate the shit out of me.

Sorry. That never fails to just aggravate the shit out of me.

I know! When I was a receptionist, that drove me batty. I would wait an obligatory two seconds and say "okay then, have a good day!"

my dog seems to have had an accident and is limping a bit again.

When Pua limps she's usually got a burr stuck in her paw.

Thank you, javachik. I'm trying to be respectful. I'm the most diplomatic of the bunch. My oldest sister will likely fly down in full battle mode if I can't persuade them gently.

I'm trying to be respectful. I'm the most diplomatic of the bunch.

He and your mom are so very lucky to have you. The options you and your sibs are providing are exceptional.

I'm trying to be respectful.

It was by no means disrespectful, I think that an already defensive person might take it the wrong way. I tend to be overly cautious in email, since an offhand joking "fuck you" caused a huge schism amongst my friends.

Letter will likely get chopped up a lot before I send it. We have time. We are already forcing them to stay until after June 1st when their grandson graduates HS.

Hee, sorry that your FCO'tDs make me chuckle so.