She needs to be in JAIL, yo. Because if she ever hit me, I'd own her, her kids, and her mom. And I'd make her mom bash her head into concrete 58 times a day and apologize for using her kids as meal tickets.

And where's the dad? He has to flog himself with his own penis, which will be studded with rusty nails.

Also, I feel like breaking down in tears, and I know not why.

I called my neighbor at 9 to tell her to move her car so she wouldn't get a ticket, but when she answered she was all ALLYSON. THE FUCK?

And I was all, "sweetheart, you just paid 800 in tickets off. move your car."

And then she hung up. I know she'll feel bad later, but I feel pretty awful and stupid.

I encourage the use of out-of-office auto-replies and changing your voicemail to reflect your absence.

It's a good general rule.

Allyson--you have to decide if taking on other people's wellbeing is ultimately healthy for you. There's absolutely no guarantee of it being taken the right way, much less gratitude, so if them being off bothers you then you may need to stop.

You feel awful about doing a favor? Neighbor needs to know when someone is looking out for her, is what I'm thinking.

I really wouldn't be surprised if Britney Spears has some sort of yet to be diagnosised mental health issues. She needs help and I hope she gets it soon.

Also, I feel like breaking down in tears, and I know not why.

Still under the weather? I'm a pretty tough nut to crack, but when I'm sick, I cry at the drop of a frickin' hat.

And I am totally entering the "I want to die" stages of a cold right now, so I should know.

I know she'll feel bad later, but I feel pretty awful and stupid.

She should feel awful and stupid. Who cares if you wake her ungrateful ass up?! You're doing a good goddamn deed! I want to slap her silly like I wanted to slap my ungrateful, sullen little bitchy cousin at Christmas!

If she reacts this way to helpful gestures, I have to agree with ita and Scrappy, for they are wise. You should spend your time helping people who don't make you feel bad, because you're aces at getting awesome shit done.

Work is very dead. Most people are off and I've spent the morning telling everyone I'm going to be an Auntie and being very Loves Carrots about the whole thing. Luckily the office is staffed with people who love kids and have grandchildren/children/neices/nephews and don't care that I'm babbling. They are also telling me how cool it's going to be.

I'm going to end up the Auntie with the brag book (electronic one though) saying "here's a pciture of me and the baby, and in this one see ---the eyes are closed -- oh! Here s/he opened his/her eyes-- Baby toes!" and drive everyone crazy.

I dunno, ita. I really thought I was just being kind. I wrote off Lyme Disease and Astral Projection across the hall.

Speaking of, I'm having some difficulty writing that story, ethically? Morally? I'm exploring two things in the story, and one is that I'm grateful for my parents, who would never let me be sick and uninsured and in the care of my 26 year old sister who thinks exorcism is a way to treat mental illness.

The other is that if these people didn't live across the hall from me, I would never know anything about them, because I have low tolerance for stupid, and stupid just radiates from them.

I need to keep reminding myself that stupid also has feelings.

Neighbor called to ask if I would like her to bring me some breakfast in thanks for saving her the 50 dollar ticket, and to apologize for yelling.

Yeah. Glad I'm going to see the family for two weeks. I could use some unconditional love.

Happy Birthday Jesse and Theo!

I really thought I was just being kind.

Sadly, that's not the point. If it's too stressful to be kind and receive asshattish responses, you have to be pickier about where that energy goes. It's almost superhuman to be able to just do and let it go, but for some recipients you have to protect yourself.