When I am in the place where you are Susan - I try and come up with as many alternate plans as I can, Susan.

and put a time frame on things - the loan was going to get you out in 3 yrs ( if you stopped using the cards) So maybe 6 years with no loan - but if no loan today - maybe in a year you will.

I wish there was a faster way, but it doesn't work that way.

Well, we have to do SOMETHING no matter what--get a loan, get a payment plan through credit counseling, or just go on one hell of an austerity plan and make ourselves stick with it.

I just have a hard time not freaking out over the unknowns. Big flaw of mine, unfortunately. I think it's the downside of being good at researching things and being all analytical and decisive when I do have information. Something like this happening on the Saturday before Christmas is the worst possible timing for me, because I have so long to theorize ahead of my data and imagine worst-case scenarios.

I've got to work on the cycles of panic, tears, and self-loathing this leads to. Let's just say it's not helping me and DH communicate well and work together on money issues.

the loan was going to get you out in 3 yrs

It was more like five years....

It was more like five years....

whatever. The point being if you can't do it this year you can work on a plan to do it next year - putting you only a year behind - you have options. one set back ( or even one more setback ) doesn't have to change the long term goal.

sorry, the whatever sounded harsher than I meant - I just wanted to re direct your thoughts

Well, I am wondering if I have to give up on the part of my long-term goal that's going to Europe in 2015. It's a small thing, and it's largely symbolic...but symbolic targets matter, you know? I've been telling myself that we can do this, we'll be out of debt by 2013 or so and have time to save for the trip, that the debt is tough but I'm tougher, and (because I'm such a big history DORK) the debt is Napoleon but I'm Wellington, etc.

I don't think you have o give up on the dream - who knows where you'll be in 2015? Maybe something will matter more. Maybe it can only be a 10 day trip instead of 15. I think you'll know better in 2013. and I think having a big fun goal makes it so much easier to sacrifice now.

and my bathroom cleaning has come to a halt because I need a third hand. DH should be home soon. I could keep cleaning and just hang stuff up when he gets here, but the internets and tv are more fun.

Maybe it can only be a 10 day trip instead of 15.

Heh. I've only recently downgraded the dream from "stay all summer" to "maybe 4-6 weeks would still be a good trip."

ha. You dream bigger than I do. But then vacations are always GOGOGOGOGO for me - so I get tired. Our Dream of the Hadrian's wall walk would be wonderful at 4 weeks. I wonder if I could get DH to slow down that much

I thought we'd finally found the solution, and I took for granted that I had a good credit score, because I'd always paid on time, never missed a payment, etc. I knew it wouldn't be perfect because of the debt, but I'd still thought it would be around average.

I don't know which credit bureau you're looking at but keep in mind that your credit score can fluctuate wildly from month to month and from company to company. I have two credit cards that let me see my TransUnion credit score every month. In 18 months, I've watched my score soar to all time high, plummet almost 100 points (transferred balance to a new card and took out a short term loan) and then rebound. My Experian score has remained constant (and higher than the TU number). And my Equifax number is higher than both of them.

It's almost become a hobby for me. Like following the stock market.

Well, my idea of a long enough trip is tempered by the fact that I lived in England for a year and still feel like I barely scratched the surface of all there is to see in the UK.

I'm sorry for blowing up like I did before, and I'm going to go back and edit a little now that I've calmed down. I've really got to work on this catastrophizing thing that I do. It's not good for me or anyone around me, but I don't seem to know how to achieve a balance between bottling up my emotions and exploding completely. Probably something I should bring up with a counselor.

After Christmas. Everything is after Christmas now.