Once, when I was in college, I was woken up on a Saturday morning (at like 10am) by a phone market researcher who wanted to know my thoughts on Tootsie Rolls. There was considerable, "Really? That's like your job? Do they pay you in candy?" on my part, but I did take the survey.

I don't get survey calls any more, because I have only a cell, except for that one push-polling call a year or two ago, done by the guy who'd lost his party primar to an upstart on account of he presumed he was a shoo-in and didn't campaign. I told his people that they were a pile of steaming idiots and not to call me again.

Whoa, okay, here's one way to get startled out of a cranky funk: find out your baby brother is engaged!

find out your baby brother is engaged!

Yay!

I just found out my baby brother is getting divorced - for the second time...

Yay, shrift! Does your brother's intended meet with your approval?

Ouch, tommyrot. And how did I never know you had a baby brother? I knew about your sister and her partner and your sonephews, but never the baby brother.

This year has a high Holy Shit Quotient.

I got a Sunday evening post-inpatient "How was your stay with us?" call from the hospital.

Dude, it sucked. Not much your fault, but it sucked. I asked her what time it was and she worked out she'd woken me up and refused to ask me any more questions.

Damage was done, but at least she was nice about it.

And how did I never know you had a baby brother?

I might have mentioned him a long time ago. When he was just out of high school he ended up in jail a few times for theft. But he got married and had a kid and turned his life around. Except for the two failed marriages thing. But he pays his child support and spends lots of time with the kid from the first marriage....

Whoa, okay, here's one way to get startled out of a cranky funk: find out your baby brother is engaged!

Whoa!

Oh, god, you're totally going to be the unmarried sibling now. Not just in fact, but in stigma.

Does your brother's intended meet with your approval?

I like her. And it's not like it's a total surprise. They've been living together for a while and they even have pets, but still!

Not just in fact, but in stigma.

Yes, this thought had occurred to me already. God, I'll bet my dad totally thinks I'm a spinster.

I wish I was the unmarried sibling. Er, the only unmarried sibling, I mean. I keep feeling slightly guilty about the no-grandkids thing, and then thinking, "But my brother's older! Why doesn't HE get married, already?" Because I'm sane, I've never actually said that to him.