Ready for some blasphemy? Here's the LOLcatBible!

Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

...

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.

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6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.

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9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urths and waters oscunz. Iz good.

11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. It happen.12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weed. (and catnipz 2, so wen i makes kittehs they can getz hai.)13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.

Centuries from now, people researching the distant past of the early 21st century will eventually encounter LOLcat-something, and they will be confused.

I know a guy whose neighbor in a big apartment building had his CO detector going off for 2 days before anybody called it in (I persuaded the guy to call, on basis that 2 days of annoyingness, while not an emergency, constitute the possibility that the neighbor might be dead). Nobody actually knew it was a CO detector, just an alarm. The firefighters took it seriously, broke into the apartment via a window, and discovered that the oven was on. And had been on for two days. While the tenant wasn't home.

That dude had some splaining to do when his neighbors got ahold of him.

Trust your alarms! They're alarming for a reason! (Not that I follow my own advice; I keep my smoke detector in a drawer because it was installed too close to a brand-new oven and is essentially a detector of pie-baking.)

My smoke detector goes off when I take a hot shower. Or it would, if there was a battery in it.

Um, I suppose I should do something to rectify the situation....

I was just about to say that my smoke detector goes off when I take a hot shower with the door open and the fan off, but tommyrot beat me to it. Is your detector on the wall right above your bathroom door, too?

Well, what are you supposed to do, if you are on vacation and dont' know your CO detector is going off?

I am using my oven for the first time in this apartment. Hopefully there will be no smoke detector issues. Chocolate chip cookies, here I come!

PEOPLE--Get carbon monoxide detectors and smoke alarms and keep the batteries in them!!!!!! I knew someone whjo died from carbon monoxide poisoning, and it's an easy thing to avoid. Put them in the hall outside your bedroom, where they won't bug you and they won't go off from something silly, like making toast or whatever.

In the rental place we just left, the smoke alarm was in the kitchen and went of every time we cooked anything on the stove. Annoying.

Is your detector on the wall right above your bathroom door, too?

Yeah, pretty much.

I never ever close my bathroom door (unless I have company). How else is the cat gonna go to the bathroom if it needs to? Or, you know, supervise while I shower?

Um, our carbon monoxide detector is outside where the fire department told us to put it, but we'll be plugging it back in later, I promise.

PEOPLE--Get carbon Monoxide detectors and smoke alarms and keep the batteries in them!!!!!!

This is all part of my plan. I figured if I confessed my lack of functioning smoke detector, someone would shame me into doing something about it.