I got an email from my sister this morning, "How does everyone feel about [asshate] coming to Xmas? Before I invite him or exclude him, I’d like to know your opinions." I typed a reply along the lines of "how do I feel? Sick to my stomach." and sent it to Mom for pre-approval. I don't know why she is pushing this, I thought it was decided that he wouldn't come a long time ago.

Yeah, at the risk of sounding like my fake husband, sometimes you don't want your jury pool too smart.

She's still married to him, so she's probably always going to push. She wants him there. You all have a right to say no as many times as it takes, though. Forever, if you need to.

I don't know what he did to make him persona non grata. In my family cheating on someone or hurting them would get you cut from family gatherings forever. Anything else egregious, like alcohol abuse or unkind statements or arguments might get you disinvited from the NEXT event, but that would probably be it.

it's a really long story. The worst thing he did to me was call me a non person and say that nothing I ever did or said would make him respect me again. It was my sister who said he wasn't coming to Christmas otherwise I would have assumed he was coming and steeled myself to deal with it. It's the fact that she's changing her mind and asking for opinions that's tickling my honest button.

:: whine :: ok, so, like... it's FREEZING in my office. Ok, maybe "freezing" in that California way. Add to that, the crick in my neck, which I realize has been there since Friday, plus bored outta my gored. Doncha just love Mondays.

::/whine::

For what ever reason, I've decided to press SHUFFLE on the Holiday playlist. Seems a bit early to be playing the xmas tunes, but what the hell. Count Basie playing Jingle Bells. How cool is that?

Laga, if you need a Designated Driver/date for your family gathering, let me know. I'm doing "christmas" with Mom on Sunday.

o_u I would love to see you on Christmas and I'm sure my family would love to see you again as well. I'll ask my sis-in-law as soon as the dust settles on the asshate question but it's just a formality, I know you'd be welcome.

oh and Count Basie playing jingle bells? Possibly the coolest song ever. I want Carol of the Bells back. It used to be my favorite Christmas song, very stirring and evocative of crisp snow sparkling in the moonlight and frost in the shop windows. Now all I hear is "ding! fries are done!"

It's the fact that she's changing her mind and asking for opinions that's tickling my honest button.

it's her attempt at being considerate. of course, it may or may not be sincere.

it's her attempt at being considerate

this - she's sort of asking permission to ask. (I have several relatives who are professional practitioners of this) which may be part of what's bothering you, if you feel the conversation has been had. Granted, if they're still married,... the conversation is probably officially ongoing.

laga - so sorry. This hurts, I know it does.