Which order do people prefer to hear that sort of thing, praise mixed with the acknowledgement that more work needs to be done? To me, hearing the negative first feels like the negative is the first thing that comes to mind and the positive is an afterthought.

Well, if I'm hearing it from my doctor, then I'd prefer praise and then point out what the next goal should be, and what's a realistic time frame for it, and (if I don't already know) the best way to achieve it.

From anyone else? I'd prefer that they try to remember I'm not a feeble-minded 3-year-old and that I keep close tabs on my health, and I'm well aware of what I might -- or even might NOT -- need to "work on," and that I have a damned good doctor who works with me on these things, and therefore *they* (the non-doctor friend/family member/boyfriend filled with concern that OMGFATKILLS!) don't need to ride herd on my (normal) blood pressure.

(I realize my answer comes from the position of being very touchy about such things, having just discussed them in the past couple of days. Though I *do* mean it.)

Well, if I'm hearing it from my doctor, then I'd prefer praise and then point out what the next goal should be, and what's a realistic time frame for it, and (if I don't already know) the best way to achieve it.

Yes, this. I definitely prefer this method.

I just read an article in Self about how Elizabeth Perkins was diagnosed with Type I diabetes into her 40's and how it had been missed by several doctors who weren't taking her blood tests after meals. She got a glucose level of 690 one afternoon and ended up hospitalized. This has me thinking I should have my doctor do a full work up for diabetes because I really worry about it being missed.

I'd prefer that they try to remember I'm not a feeble-minded 3-year-old and that I keep close tabs on my health, and I'm well aware of what I might -- or even might NOT -- need to "work on," and that I have a damned good doctor who works with me on these things, and therefore *they* (the non-doctor friend/family member/boyfriend filled with concern that OMGFATKILLS!) don't need to ride herd on my (normal) blood pressure.

I should quote that to Hubby. I get the impression that he doesn't really believe I'm a competent adult who is at least as smart as he is. "You shouldn't eat that, it's bad for your blood sugar." No shit! Has it occured to you that I know that damned well and I'm eating it anyway?

He tries to explain it as "I'm just worried about you/I want you to be the best person you can be/I know you want to do as well as possible at this." I had parents, Hubby. I didn't marry you because I missed being "improved."

Damn right, Steph.

{{{Jess}}}

As a parent, I'm torn. I don't want to be a curmudgeon denying my child the Magic of Christmas, but OTOH I don't want her remembering her discovery of the truth as painful and embarrassing almost 20 years after the fact!

Believe me, Christmas isn't necessarily less magical because you don't do Santa. What filled our house with magic was the beauty of the holiday and the excitement of my parents in being able to give us what they never had and knowing that they picked out certain things for you personally. Also, then you can have presents arrive under the tree little by little, and shake them furiously wonder what they are. And siblings can give each other presents without some bizarre logical leap.

Also, even though I would never do the Santa thing with any potential kids, I don't really see it as a question of lying. But since I never experienced the whole Santa "betrayal" thing, I guess I can't really say. You should do what's in your heart.

I don't want to be a curmudgeon denying my child the Magic of Christmas,

Seriously, I don't feel "denied". I know some people love it and remember it fondly, and I don't think it's necessarily damaging or anything, but don't do it because you feel you'd be depriving your child otherwise.

And siblings can give each other presents without some bizarre logical leap.

We always had people presents too. I guess I've always assumed that was universal. Do some people only get presents from Santa?

He tries to explain it as "I'm just worried about you/I want you to be the best person you can be/I know you want to do as well as possible at this." I had parents, Hubby. I didn't marry you because I missed being "improved."

I understand this. Believe me, I do. But also being the person who has occasionally nagged her spouse about health issues, there's a a lot of force behind the notion of look, I don't want you to DIE, okay? I have a collection of pretty black dresses, but I don't want to be a widow, and sometimes it's not hard to say something.

I should quote that to Hubby. I get the impression that he doesn't really believe I'm a competent adult who is at least as smart as he is. "You shouldn't eat that, it's bad for your blood sugar." No shit! Has it occured to you that I know that damned well and I'm eating it anyway?

He tries to explain it as "I'm just worried about you/I want you to be the best person you can be/I know you want to do as well as possible at this." I had parents, Hubby. I didn't marry you because I missed being "improved."

And my rant *also* comes from 15 years of dealing with my dad's heart disease -- at some point, I realized that he knows what is and isn't healthy to eat, and he knows that exercise is beneficial, and he knows that he has to take his meds. And all my "but I'm just concerrrrrrned!" does (even though it's genuine concern) is annoy the holy hell out of him.

He and I reached a detente where I don't heckle him about his heart disease, because -- and here I'm quoting him -- he's "an adult with a doctor I trust," and in return he doesn't heckle me about my weight, for the same reasons. (Also because my cholesterol, blood pressure, and blood sugar are normal; I might be fat, but it's hard to find disease where no markers exist, y'know?)

My mom hasn't really grasped that concept, though she's gotten better. Not totally, but better.

We always had people presents too. I guess I've always assumed that was universal. Do some people only get presents from Santa?

I've heard every permutation you can think of, but definitely a lot of "all presents come on Christmas Eve from Santa".