Ooof, the Santa thing. I remember feeling humiliated when I found out--like I was the butt of an elaborate joke played at my expense, the lone dupe, and God, how dumb was I to fall for it? (Why, no, I don't have a persecution complex, why do you ask?)

This was me, I think helped along by the fact I believed for longer than most of my classmates--I was in 4th or 5th grade, and I think most of the others figured it out by 2nd or 3rd. I remember feeling like the most stupid, uncool, and left-out kid ever when I found out, because in the weeks before I'd argued in favor of Santa when classmates discussed whether or not he was real.

As a parent, I'm torn. I don't want to be a curmudgeon denying my child the Magic of Christmas, but OTOH I don't want her remembering her discovery of the truth as painful and embarrassing almost 20 years after the fact! We haven't talked up Santa much, but Annabel has picked up the belief from the kids at daycare and from her grandmothers talking him up. So I'm sort of planning to have some of our gifts be Santa gifts waiting under the tree Christmas morning...but I don't want to work as hard at maintaining the illusion as my parents did. I'd rather leave a lot of clues so she'll figure it out herself in a few years.

On the Santa debate ... pending actual discussion with the father of any future children... I think I'll tell the kid(s) that it is a fun legend, but not actively foster a real belief in Santa beyond a few anonymous prezzies mysteriously showing up.

Hi Emily! I owe you a return phone call. *hangs head*

No problem! So long as it isn't because you've decided that I'm really an awful person because I've been out of contact for so long and listened to my call and thought, "Cha, whatever" and were just hoping you'd never see or talk to me again so you wouldn't have to pretend that you meant to call me back and...

no, I have no paranoia or personal insecurity, why do you ask?

I still believe in Santa. So there.

Happy Birthday to Em! Wow, I can't believe she's three already.

Jess, health~ma to your grandfather. Comfort~ma to you and your grandfather's loved ones.

A friend of mine had a breast reduction on Monday so a couple of us are going to visit with her today. She's not really a book reader so I figure we'll stop and pick up some magazines on the way. I'm really curious to see how she's feeling since I would LOVE to get a reduction, but I'm a big baby when it comes to pain.

My grandmother used to organize a "Happy Birthday Jesus" party for the neighborhood kids each year. I had forgotten about that. Wow.

I think Santa would really appreciate a beer and maybe some wings.

I don't remember not knowing that Santa was a fiction that my parents and I were cooperating in. One factor may have been that either my father was involved or Santa swore a lot. (He never started putting together things like bicycles until we went to bed.) It was such a lovely fiction, though.

Did anyone else watch the Hogswatch movie?

I watched it last year or whenever. I thought it was okay, but it was really weird to get into. The tone was all wrong, I thought; it seemed to be far too serious, which made the whimsy not fit. Plus, it looked embarrassingly low-budget. There was some good stuff, but I guess it wasn't what I wanted from a Discworld movie. And that's one of my favorites.

But Susan was really really pretty.

K-Bug has taken on the role of making sure MY stocking doesn't go empty (as it used to).

Seriously, how awesomely big-hearted is that girl? Just about as much as the woman who raised her, of course.

The gifts from Golo (the giant who lives in Granddaddy's head - different grandfather from the one above) were always much more special, because Golo is real. Golo's Norweigen rat friends Sven and Olaf are also real, but we never got presents from them because they are cheap bastards.

That's the most endearing bastardy I've ever heard of.

And such a very large dose of ~ma to your grandfather, Jess, especially stay-off-the-vent~ma. I'm so sorry he's been stuck in the hospital (especially a strange hospital far from his home) for so long; that's misery-making.

I actually spent the entire morning commute thinking about Emmett and Santa and wanting to start a conversation in Bitches about it, and then I get here and find it's already well under way and nearly over!

I do remember finding out the truth as a horrible, crushing disappointment. It was the death of Magic -- oddly, not in the least affecting my religious faith, but it was so awful to feel that the last remotely plausible door on Faerie had swung shut.

I know Matilda won't be able to distinguish truth from tales from lies for a few years yet, but I think I'd like to keep doing what we did with Emmett last night and what some of y'all have talked about: emphasize the real Saint Nicholas, his spirit of love and giving (he was the son of a wealthy fishing/merchant family in what's now Turkey, and made numerous gifts throughout his life of food and money to the often wretchedly poor folk in his region -- usually anonymously, so nobody would feel beholden to him or his family, and sometimes just by tossing a bag of goodies through an open window in the dead of night); how Santa is based on him and is a way for all of us to be that secret giver for everyone else.

That telling his story and pretending to be him is a way to be generous and silly and loving, and to show each other that even when we feel alone and desperate there may be someone watching us and loving us and waiting for the right moment to give us some good thing.

Though there's also the part where we'd have to warn her that some kids really really believe and she has to respect that.

Also, Jesus Birthday Cake has been on my list of traditions I'd love to take up for a very, very long time. Cake for breakfast! What's better than that? Okay, Jesus Birthday Eggs Benedict drowning in hollandaise might be even better, but no way would Emmett go for that.

Stephanie's post got me thinking about my own Christmas traditions and beliefs, so bear with me as I ramble on a bit.

I was raised Congregational Protestant and went to church regularly as a child, but my spiritual path led me away from Christianity as an adult. I know that some people would consider my Christmas sacrilegious since I don't believe Christ is my savior now, but my celebration has evolved into something very personal and precious to me. I believe that Jesus did exist and was an important figure, and my Christmas does honor the aspects of his teaching that focus on love and forgiveness. More so, however, I believe in the spirit of Christmas, in celebrating the people in my life with love and gifts. I believe in the tree as a symbol of life in the heart of winter and in the power of the changing seasons. Christmas, to me, is about peace and joy. I used to struggle with whether I could introduce any child I had to Christmas given the fact that I am no longer a Christian, but I think I have come to terms with that now.

I would let my children believe in Santa and his reindeer, in the magic of the holiday. When children are young, they don't need complicated explanations, after all. As they grew up, I would teach them about all the major religions, including Jesus and about why Christians cherish the 25th as his birthday, and I would talk to them about the ideas of love, forgiveness, and generosity that Christ's teachings exemplify. I would also teach my children about the spirit of Christmas and about its varied roots--about the pagan solstice and the way that Christianity incorporated that celebration into its own beliefs. My hope would be that my children would come to embrace the spirit of the holiday as I do, as a time to contemplate the people in our life and honor them, and as a time to come together joyfully.

I completely respect Christians' desire to preserve Christmas as a religious holiday for their families. I'm also glad, though, that American culture allows me to preserve this cherished holiday in a secular way. It's anathema to the Christian Right, but hey, what part of my life isn't? (I'm tempted to add a smiley emoticon to show the lightness of my mood right now, but I will abstain.)

{{{Jessica}}} Much much much ~~ma out to you and Grampa.