But maybe talking about it (once you move past barfy stage) will help in working it through. Because there's the painful situation, and then there's the shame about it happening. I think even lessening the shame aspect may help a little.

This. All of this. Nora is wise.

I think he phrased his concern in a completely dumb-ass and horribly WRONG manner, but from how you've described him since the two of you have been together, I would tend to believe that he was still speaking out of concern.

Mostly what I wanted to say though is that I'm *so* glad you're not holding all of that emotional pain locked up inside of yourself anymore. I can only imagine the field day that any lurking Body Image Demons were having trying to confuse you even more. Just know that the Boy fell in love with YOU - not one particular part of you, no matter what the BID's say.

ION ~ I have no desire to tackle the rest of my to-do list. None. Maybe coffee will help. Today might need to be a caramel macchiato day.

Tep, since his remark sprang directly from you getting winded in SF, it sounds like it could be health-related for him. The DH has a bad back and when he was bigger (by 60 or so lbs) I found him just as attractive, but I really wanted him to lose the weight just so he could feel better and do more. Which I never told him, but I know he knew it. Still, if the DH said something like that to me, I would be in a state for much LONGER than three hours, so I think you handled it well.

I would be in a state for much LONGER than three hours, so I think you handled it well.

Oh, my state of not-coping lasted for much longer, even past the point at which we sat down and talked it through.

It's just that my inability to form coherent sentences or to stop weeping lasted for 3 hours. Then I think I was dehydrated.

Tep, since his remark sprang directly from you getting winded in SF, it sounds like it could be health-related for him. The DH has a bad back and when he was bigger (by 60 or so lbs) I found him just as attractive, but I really wanted him to lose the weight just so he could feel better and do more. Which I never told him, but I know he knew it. Still, if the DH said something like that to me, I would be in a state for much LONGER than three hours, so I think you handled it well.

Scrappy is wise.

(We can say "Scrappy is wise" again! This makes me inordinately happy)

Oh, Tep. That is hard.

Sometimes people we love hurt us, whether they mean to or not, in big big ways. Whether the love is worth those hurts is not something anyone else can judge, and it's so hard to even tell for yourself what you'll forgive or not, I can't give you any kind of advice.

I hope you guys can reach an understanding, because your relationship seems really wonderful in so many ways. Maybe now that he's seen what "huge issues" means he'll adjust how he expresses his concern (or if, or whatever).

Mostly, I'll just point to Nora and nod, but my little bit of group therapy has made me all share-y.

Nicole, shall we make a deal? I'll go clean my old house and you'll do whatever's next on your to-do list? 'Cause I got a lot done yesterday but am having all kinds of trouble getting going today.

Teppy, having seen the two of you together - he adores you. Why he said that - who knows - but it is clear that he thinks the world of you.

Trudy - Mock my pain. (now I think I'll watch Princess Bride).

I think it makes your point more clearly.

Thank you, Fred Pete. That’s a very important distinction!

It's everything my mom said to me for my entire childhood, come home to roost.

Oh, ugh. Ugh. I mean, I knew this was a huge issue for you, but I’d forgotten that part of it. I’m so sorry, Steph. No advice, just tons of support.

Totally unrelated, everyone should go look at my website and see the adorable little change Deena made this morning: [link]

-t, I just got back from my supplier (aka the lovely coffee place on the corner) and have nummy coffee in hand. Once I get my fix, I'll be tackling the to-do list. It'll either be the living room or the guestroom - not sure which one yet.

It snowed last night so I'm not getting on the roof and cleaning the gutters. Not a chance. And the garage is too chilly to be out there cleaning out my car. Brrrr.

OK, I have no excuse, then. I'm off to the cleaners, and then to buy a cooler, and then to clean out the old fridge and the living room.

I have never been so glad to own an iPod, I tell you what.

Tep, I had an additional thought - if he's coming from the idea that now that you are moving in together your problems and concerns become his (ie, your health is in some way his responsibility) he just needs to get over that. And it can be gotten over. And I can babble on about that later if you want, but meanwhile I need to go do the above tasks.